Since the UK music industry likes promoting records for weeks before they’re released, but doesn’t much care for promoting records over Christmas or the early new year, it’s round about this time that we start seeing a deluge of new releases.  And lo and behold, there’s a lot of very forgettable stuff out this week…

39.  One Direction – “Midnight Memories”

Well, that’s unexpected.  This is the title track from the current One Direction album, and as such, it’s been available since December.  Even so, it’s now been promoted to an officially released single, with a video and everything.  And it’s peaked at 39, and it’s already out of the iTunes top 75.  I’m not aware of any special circumstances here, so this seems to be a first – a One Direction single bombing out completely.  It just doesn’t seem to have interested anyone outside their fan base, who own it already.

It’s an odd record – it seems to want to be Def Leppard, not the most obvious influence for a One Direction track.

24.  Avicii – “Addicted To You”

Predictably climbing 12 places after last week’s low entry.

17.  The Chainsmokers – “Selfie”

Novelty hit alert.  The Chainsmokers are New York producers Andrew Winter and Alex Pall, and this is one of those dance records that’s essentially a backing track for an ironic monologue.  Weirdly stilted, but I guess it’s outside my frame of reference on a whole load of levels.  The uncredited vocalist is one Alexis Killacam, if you were wondering.

14.  Christina Perri – “Human”

The lead single from her second album “Head or Heart”, which gave her two major hits back in 2011 – the talent show staple “Jar of Hearts” and the Twilight perennial “A Thousand Years”.  She hasn’t released much since then, other than a further version of “A Thousand Years” and the self-explanatory 2012 EP “A Very Merry Perri Christmas”.  It’s a radio friendly power ballad – well, of course it is.

12.  Kylie Minogue – “Into the Blue”

Twenty-six years into her chart career, Kylie Minogue is in the happy position that she no longer needs big hit singles to maintain her status as a major star.  Happy indeed, because her first single in two years misses the top 10, and she hasn’t actually had a really big hit since “All the Lovers” made number 3 in 2010.  Weirdly, this was pulled as a single bundle halfway through the week, and is now available simply as a standalone download from the upcoming album “Kiss Me Once” (where it doubles as the instant grat promotion for pre-orders).

Mind you, for a record I initially dismissed as instantly forgettable, this turns out to stick in the head a bit.  But it’s already out of the iTunes top 20, so I don’t fancy its chances of sticking around.

9.  Pixie Lott – “Nasty”

The lead single from her third album.  “Nasty” doesn’t sound like a song title that was originally intended for Pixie Lott, and indeed it isn’t – this is a Cee-Lo Green composition that was originally intended for Christina Aguilera as part of the soundtrack to her film Burlesque.  She feels a bit miscast to me, but the song’s not bad.

8.  Flo Rida – “How I Feel”

I don’t know how to break this to you, but Flo Rida has sampled Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good”.  I know.  Actually, by his standards it’s not too bad, but it’s still vying for the worst thing in the top 10 with the next track below.

Nina Simone had three top five hits in this country, though surprisingly “Feeling Good” isn’t among them – it limped to number 40 on re-issue in 1994.  She got to number 5 with “My Baby Just Cares For Me” on re-issue in 1987, and with “To Love Somebody” in 1969.  Her biggest hit was “Ain’t Got No, I Got Life”, which got to number 2 in 1968.

The video is basically an extended product placement for the Project Hollywood casino in Las Vegas. So that’s nice.

4.  Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull – “I’m a Freak”

And this in the same week as a new Flo Rida single!  You’re really spoiling us, music industry.  This is Enrique’s first chart appearance since 2011.  He previously collaborated with Pitbull on “I Like It”, a number 4 hit in 2010.  It’s pretty wretched, this one, and from the look of iTunes, it won’t be sticking around in the top 10 for very long.

1.  Dvbbs & Borgeous featuring Tinie Tempah – “Tsunami (Jump)”

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a perfectly good instrumental dance record that has been licensed for release by Ministry of Sound in the United Kingdom must be in want of a vocal line.  So here’s Tinie Tempah to top up the pension fund by rapping over a pre-existing record.  Dvbbs are a Canadian production duo – it’s pronounced “Dubbs”.  Borgeous is American producer John Borger.  Here’s what the record sounded like in other countries.

Not a million miles from Martin Garrix’s “Animals”, actually, and Tinie has at least turned in something reasonably sympathetic to the track beneath him.  But vocal lines plonked on top of tracks that weren’t designed for them generally come across as clutter.

It’s number one on the strength of sales in the first few days – it didn’t even sustain its position to the weekend, so it won’t be there next week.

On the album chart:

• “The Take Off and Landing of Everything” by Elbow at 1.  Their seventh album, and their first number 1.  Single: “New York Morning”.
• “A Perfect Contradiction” by Paloma Faith at 2.  The single “Can’t Rely on You” is still hanging around at 33.
• “Love Letters” by Metronomy at 7.  Metronomy apparently started life as an electropop act, but they’ve deviated pretty dramatically from that by this point, as the sixties-pop title track illustrates.  This is their fourth album, and highest chart place.
• “Timeless” by Dr Hook at 11.  40-song back catalogue compilation.
• “Lost Forever // Lost Together” by Architects at 16.  Metalcore.  It’s their sixth album, the first to chart.  Single: “Broken Cross”.
• “Rebel with a Cause” by Ghetts at 23.  Debut studio album for a rapper who’s been putting out singles for six years now.  Single: “Rebel”.
• “Sweet Disarray” by Dan Croll at 26.  Another debut album.  He’s a songwriter who came up through the Liverpool Academy for the Performing Arts.  Single: “From Nowhere”.
• “No Strings Attached” by Room 94 at 28.  They bill themselves as “pop/rock”, which in practice means they’re Busted.  A slightly odd band to see appearing for the first time on the album chart, rather than the singles.  Single: “When I was a Teenager”.  If you wish to discuss the song with likeminded folk on Twitter, its YouTube optimistically proposes the hashtag #ROOM94WhenIWasATeenager.