{"id":1938,"date":"2013-05-19T09:00:33","date_gmt":"2013-05-19T08:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/?p=1938"},"modified":"2013-05-18T18:27:06","modified_gmt":"2013-05-18T17:27:06","slug":"extreme-rules-2013","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/?p=1938","title":{"rendered":"Extreme Rules 2013"},"content":{"rendered":"

After the usual post-Wrestlemania<\/em> lull, the WWE’s pay-per-view schedule gets back underway this weekend. \u00a0Frankly, I probably won’t have time to watch this one anyway, but I can’t honestly say it’s a card that gives me a lot of reasons to regret that. \u00a0(Except, perhaps, the two Shield matches.)<\/p>\n

1. \u00a0WWE Title – Last Man Standing Match: John Cena (c) v Ryback.<\/strong>\u00a0 Cena regained the WWE Title at\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em> to the surprise of precisely nobody, since The Rock plainly wasn’t going to be sticking around forever. \u00a0There was in fact some suggestion at one point that he would be doing the (normally) obligatory rematch, but that became academic when he suffered a legitimate injury at Wrestlemania<\/em>. \u00a0So he’s out of the picture for the foreseeable future at least.<\/p>\n

That leaves Cena in search of a new opponent. \u00a0 The company’s solution is to turn Ryback heel. \u00a0This is very strange booking.<\/p>\n

Here’s the problem. \u00a0Ryback was first introduced last year as a killer babyface who ploughed through everyone in his path. \u00a0(Well, more or less. \u00a0Strictly speaking he was\u00a0first<\/em> introduced as Skip Sheffield in the first season of\u00a0NXT<\/em>, but we’re all supposed to have forgotten about that.) \u00a0This was basically the way Bill Goldberg became a star in the 1990s and it seemed to be taking perfectly well.<\/p>\n

Then came the big mistake. \u00a0John Cena was injured, the company needed a replacement challenger for CM Punk’s WWE Title at short notice, and Ryback was pushed into the slot. \u00a0But Punk couldn’t lose the title at that point, because he was due to lose it to the Rock in January – and the result of pushing Ryback to the top of the card was to kneecap his momentum. \u00a0Worse yet, he’s spent most of the subsequent pay-per-views cementing a role as the guy who always loses in the matches that count. \u00a0So much for positioning him as a killer.<\/p>\n

To revive him, he’s been turned heel – but once again, he’s been immediately placed in a match against John Cena that, by all appearances, he surely can’t win. \u00a0Cena only just got the title back and it seems very unlikely that he could lose it after such a short reign. \u00a0And the “Last Man Standing” stipulation – this being\u00a0Extreme Rules<\/em>, a show built around gimmick matches – rules out any face-saving ending such as a disqualification or screwjob.<\/p>\n

So it seems poor Ryback is just going to have to lose again. \u00a0I suppose it’s possible they could go for giving him the surprise win, but I’m not sure he’s over enough, and I’m certainly not sure he’s ready to be headlining shows. \u00a0This whole thing strikes me as terribly misconceived.<\/p>\n

I don’t like Last Man Standing matches anyway – they tend to slow to crawl in the later stages, since the equivalent of a near fall is to have somebody remain motionless for a count of nine. \u00a0Cena should win, the match probably won’t be anything special.<\/p>\n

2. \u00a0Steel cage match: Triple H v Brock Lesnar.<\/strong>\u00a0 This is a rematch from\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em>, though heaven knows why, considering that their\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em> match was a prolonged exercise in stupefying tedium, played out before a largely silent crowd. \u00a0I cannot begin to tell to you how little enthusiasm I have for the prospect of seeing this one again.<\/p>\n

It may make a difference that I’m British, actually. \u00a0Brock Lesnar is a former WWE champion who left to join the UFC, and became their heavyweight champion for a while. \u00a0He’s now back on a sweetheart deal where he only has to wrestle a few matches a year. \u00a0Reportedly, his name gives a boost to PPV buys in America, but doesn’t have much impact in the rest of the world, perhaps because it’s mainly the Americans who care about his UFC run.<\/p>\n

But mainly, it’s just that they had a terrible match last month and I don’t want to see them again. \u00a0Lesnar ought to win, since he’s the one who still wrestles semi-regularly, while Triple H is now effectively retired and working in management. \u00a0But for precisely that reason, I expect Triple H to win anyway.<\/p>\n

3. \u00a0No 1 Contender to World Heavyweight Title – I Quit Match: Alberto Del Rio v Jack Swagger.<\/strong> \u00a0This is a last-minute substitution. \u00a0The planned match was a three-way ladder match for the World Heavyweight Title – notionally the Smackdown title, though the brand division has been all but abolished by this stage. \u00a0That title is currently held by Dolph Ziggler, who finally cashed in his Money in the Bank title shot to take the title from Alberto Del Rio just after\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em>. \u00a0Unfortunately, Ziggler suffered a (genuine) concussion last week and can’t wrestle until he’s medically cleared, so we’re getting this instead.<\/p>\n

Which is doubly unfortunate, since the ladder match would probably have been quite good. \u00a0The Del Rio\/Swagger feud, on the other hand, never really took off – which is one reason why they had Ziggler sweep in to liven things up in the first place. \u00a0The original idea was to make Del Rio a hero among hispanic viewers by booking him against the revamped Tea Party version of Jack Swagger’s “real American” heel. \u00a0That’s not the worst idea in the world, and it’s worked for hispanic-targeted indie promotions<\/a>, but it hasn’t worked here for a variety of reasons. \u00a0Del Rio’s babyface turn was badly undermotivated and hopelessly botched; hamfisted attempts to have him praise the USA as well as Mexico have done him no favours; and crowds seem on the whole to think that wrestlers talking about immigration is not very interesting. \u00a0(Relatively few are actually cheering Swagger. \u00a0The general impression is that fans in general simply don’t care about the issue.)<\/p>\n

So despite some initial media coverage, the feud between these two never developed the heat that the company had hoped for. \u00a0But with Ziggler out of the picture, it’s the inevitably logical match, so we’re getting it anyway.<\/p>\n

Ironically, the actual match ought to be good; given the number of crazy brawls that are already booked on the show, I suspect there’ll be a lot of submission holds in this one. \u00a0Del Rio probably wins, because he’s even more desperate for heat than Swagger, and Swagger has no function without him. \u00a0Plus, Ziggler’s a heel, so it makes sense for the babyface Del Rio to get the title shot.<\/p>\n

4. \u00a0WWE United States Title: Kofi Kingston (c) v Dean Ambrose.<\/strong> \u00a0The first of two Shield matches on the show. \u00a0The Shield’s winning streak was finally broken on Monday with a somewhat anticlimactic disqualification, possibly because the company was concerned that everyone figured it was an absolutely forgone conclusion that they would win both title matches.<\/p>\n

Well, I still think it’s an absolutely foregone conclusion. \u00a0The Shield are a priority act, and Dean Ambrose is the one who’s being pushed as a singles wrestler. \u00a0True, he’s been pinned before in a singles match, but that was by the Undertaker, and he was still shown as competitive. \u00a0If that’s how they’re positioning him, he really shouldn’t be having too much trouble with a perennial midcarder like Kofi Kingston. \u00a0Kingston only won the title a few weeks ago, on television, which rather suggests he’s only there because the previous champion, Antonio Cesaro, was a heel, and therefore couldn’t have wrestled Ambrose.<\/p>\n

I expect this to be a good match, though – Ambrose has consistently impressed, Kingston can be very good when he’s given the opportunity. \u00a0Should be an emphatic win for Ambrose, with enough outside interference from the rest of the Shield to give Kingston a defence.<\/p>\n

5. \u00a0WWE Tag Team Titles – Tag Team Tornado Match: Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan & Kane) (c) v The Shield (Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins).<\/strong> \u00a0A Tornado match, if you’re wondering, is a tag match where all four guys are in the ring at the same time. \u00a0Not a stipulation that the WWE do very often, but it makes sense for the sort of chaotic teamwork that the Shield’s matches tend to be built around – and it provides enough confusion to enable Ambrose to interfere freely to help his colleagues.<\/p>\n

Team Hell No have held these titles since last September, originally with an “odd couple forced together by circumstances” gimmick. \u00a0Over the months they’ve turned into an odd couple who more or less co-operate with one another, and I think the point has come where a title change makes sense. \u00a0The Shield will benefit from the titles, while Team Hell No can move into a storyline about whether they want to choose to stick together even though they’re not the champions any more. \u00a0The act can continue without the title belts.<\/p>\n

Bryan and Rollins are excellent; Kane’s solid and good in his role; Reigns is a rookie but has done perfectly fine in these multi-man matches. \u00a0I expect a strong match here and a virtually inevitable Shield win.<\/p>\n

6. \u00a0Strap match: Sheamus v Mark Henry.<\/strong>\u00a0 Basically an exercise in finding something to do for two main eventers who have nothing else to occupy them. \u00a0The booking for this has been a mess, with the notional babyface Sheamus repeatedly mocking heel Mark Henry, who hasn’t actually been doing anything very heelish – the practical effect being to leave some viewers genuinely wondering whether this is supposed to be a double turn, with Henry emerging as the babyface and Sheamus as the heel. \u00a0(That doesn’t appear to be the intention.)<\/p>\n

A strap match is another gimmick best left forgotten. \u00a0The wrestlers are connected by a leather strap tied to the wrist. \u00a0Victory is achieved by… tagging all four turnbuckles in succession. \u00a0No, seriously. \u00a0The idea is meant to be that, because of the strap, you won’t be able to do this without knocking your opponent out or at least dragging him forcibly around the ring. \u00a0It doesn’t lend itself to many possible finishes and on the whole it’s usually pretty limiting. \u00a0I don’t see it helping a Mark Henry match any.<\/p>\n

Henry should probably win, since he’s been the underdog in the feud, but the booking has been so awful that it’s hard to figure out what they might have in mind.<\/p>\n

7. \u00a0Extreme Rules Match: Randy Orton v The Big Show.<\/strong> \u00a0Two more main eventers in an essentially random match, for which they couldn’t even be bothered thinking of a proper stipulation. \u00a0(“Extreme Rules”, in the WWE, normally just means no DQ, no count-out.) \u00a0This is a follow-up from a\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em> storyline where Big Show turned on Orton after they lost their match against the Shield, but it’s basically a generic feud to keep the two occupied. \u00a0Orton probably wins, on the simple logic that when there’s nothing at stake, the babyface might as well win.<\/p>\n

8. \u00a0Chris Jericho v Fandango.<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, this one doesn’t even get a gimmick. \u00a0This is a straight rematch from Wrestlemania<\/em>, where the evil ballroom dancer (no, really) defeated Jericho in an upset. \u00a0That’s an upset from the perspective of the commentators. \u00a0To the viewers, it would have been a lot more surprising if a heavily-promoted wrestler like Fandango had lost his in-ring debut.<\/p>\n

On the\u00a0Raw<\/em> show immediately after\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em>, the fans got terribly excited about Fandango and started singing his theme music throughout the show. \u00a0This apparently convinced the WWE that they had a viral hit on their hands, which resulted in some excruciating segments where they attempted to replicate the effect in other towns. \u00a0What they missed was that the\u00a0Raw<\/em> audience on the night after\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em> is weird – it’s hardcore fans who travelled for the main show and figured they might as well stick around for the next night. \u00a0Consequently, it has an unusually high number of Europeans who try to start football chants.<\/p>\n

Fandango is an odd character in many ways. \u00a0He’s a blatant throwback to the “wrestling [insert job here]” of the late 1980s. \u00a0He’s been cast as a ballroom dancer despite displaying no evident aptitude in the field. And he’s accompanied by two alternating dancers who do their best to disguise that. \u00a0One is a mystery brunette who nobody seems to know the name of, even the wrestling journalists; reportedly she’s a student and a proper dancer. \u00a0The other is a blonde who’s been named as Summer Rae; she’s a wrestler from NXT, where she’s currently feuding with Paige. \u00a0She’s not a dancer, though she can just about get by in the role.<\/p>\n

Anyway. \u00a0Jericho\u00a0could<\/em> win here, since he lost at\u00a0Wrestlemania<\/em>, but my guess would be that Fandango wins again, albeit by blatant cheating. \u00a0Jericho’s role here is to be the veteran star who helps get Fandango’s act up and running; you can rebuild Jericho later, but Fandango needs the high profile wins right now.<\/p>\n

9. \u00a0The Miz v Cody Rhodes.<\/strong> \u00a0This is airing on the YouTube pre-show, and it’s pretty much a case of reminding us all that Miz exists, now that he’s returned from shooting a movie. \u00a0He’ll win, and it’ll take about five minutes.<\/p>\n

Worth getting?<\/strong> \u00a0Well, the Shield matches should be good, as should Jericho\/Fandango. \u00a0But Cena\/Ryback isn’t a classic in the making, Swagger\/Del Rio has no heat, and the cage and strap matches sound wretched. \u00a0Plus, the worse matches are the ones that will probably get most of the time on this nine-match card. \u00a0I’d skip it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

After the usual post-Wrestlemania lull, the WWE’s pay-per-view schedule gets back underway this weekend. \u00a0Frankly, I probably won’t have time to watch this one anyway, but I can’t honestly say it’s a card that gives me a lot of reasons to regret that. \u00a0(Except, perhaps, the two Shield matches.) 1. \u00a0WWE Title – Last Man […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1938","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wrestling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1938","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1938"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1938\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1939,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1938\/revisions\/1939"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1938"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1938"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1938"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}