Oh, alright, then. \u00a0I’m going to watch this show, so\u00a0why not set out a few thoughts as I do that, and open a comments thread for anyone\u00a0who wants to chip in?<\/p>\n
I’m watching this on Monday night on Apple TV – which, by the way, doesn’t have a WWE Network app in the UK, whatever the WWE website may claim, so I’m Airplaying it from an iPad, which is\u00a0terribly<\/em> convenient.<\/p>\n 1. \u00a0The New Age Outlaws (Billy Gunn & Road Dogg) v The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor).<\/strong> \u00a0This is the\u00a0first time since joining the main roster that the Ascension have fought anyone other than jobbers. \u00a0And they’re facing two retired guys. \u00a0The\u00a0angle here is that the Ascension\u00a0run down the great tag teams of history and claim to be better than all of them, while the commentators insist vigorously that the Ascension are actually terrible and can only beat complete losers. \u00a0They’d better be winning here, because otherwise they’re pretty much on their way back to NXT in a box.<\/p>\n I haven’t read any of the results, by the way. \u00a0Should have mentioned that.<\/p>\n Well, that wasn’t very good, was it? \u00a0Gunn misses the Fameasser and the Ascension pin him with the Fall of Man in 5:30. \u00a0Call it *1\/2 . \u00a0The Ascension\u00a0needed to look dominant against a pair of retirees. \u00a0Instead they just had a competitive (if short)\u00a0match where it took them\u00a0the better part of two minutes to get in any offence. \u00a0That is not, whatever the commentators may be telling me, “a great win”. \u00a0That is a weak effort for\u00a0Superstars<\/em>.<\/p>\n Video package, video package, video package, video package\u2026 jesus, can you not fast forward on this thing?<\/p>\n 2. \u00a0WWE Tag Team Titles: Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso\u00a0\u00a9 v The Miz & Damien Mizdow.<\/strong> \u00a0I can only assume the Usos are retaining here. \u00a0Oh, Mizdow’s over with this crowd. \u00a0No surprise there. \u00a0He’s now doing Miz’s entrance schtick\u00a0slightly behind him, so that the crowd can boo Miz and cheer him. \u00a0They’re both in the Rumble, aren’t they? \u00a0How’s the gimmick going to work there? \u00a0Maybe that’s the point.<\/p>\n Usual Les Miz match where Miz wants the spotlight and won’t tag his more popular partner. \u00a0Oh, Jey Uso kicks out of Miz’s finisher. \u00a0The thing about this gimmick is that since they\u00a0want to play up\u00a0Mizdow not getting into the ring, Miz has to remain competitive on his own, which in turn means that he’s apparently so good that he can virtually beat the tag champions singlehandedly. \u00a0I guess\u00a0keeping the emphasis on Mizdow demands it, though.<\/p>\n Jey Uso hits the Superfly Splash and Mizdow breaks it up. \u00a0Mizdow loyally hits his (i.e., Miz’s) finisher on Jey and lets Miz cover, but Jey\u00a0kicks out a second time. \u00a0Finally Jimmy pins Miz with a second\u00a0Splash, in a match where Mizdow never legally tagged in. \u00a0I’m assuming we’ll see that followed up in the Rumble? \u00a0That was quite entertaining, anyway.<\/p>\n More filler segments. \u00a0Analyst panel. \u00a0Recap of the dark match (!). \u00a0J&J Security do some product placement. \u00a0Seth Rollins\u00a0proposes\u00a0to win his match. \u00a0Wrestlemania is\u00a0in 63 days time. \u00a0(62, as\u00a0I write this.)<\/p>\n 3. \u00a0The Bella Twins (Brie Bella & Nikki Bella) v Natalya & Paige.<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0Oh, and here’s another filler segment. \u00a0Paige is apparently a probably-insincere babyface now, for reasons apparently connected to\u00a0Total Divas<\/em>, because nothing says “coherent storytelling” like building stories around events on a worked reality show which purports\u00a0not<\/em> to take place in WWE continuity.<\/p>\n Paige and Natalya work\u00a0as a team despite Paige’s flakiness. \u00a0Eventually Natalya plays face in peril for an extended period, then the Bellas block her from making a tag, and Nikki pins her with\u00a0a forearm. \u00a0Well, that certainly was a thing that happened. \u00a0The crowd literally couldn’t care less,\u00a0which is a shame – they\u00a0did<\/em> give them more time than usual to have a proper match, and a slot on the card where there was a reasonable chance people would care. \u00a0But no. \u00a0I think fans have just been trained not to care about the women’s division, and it’s going to take something more than a competent tag match (well, with one badly botched spot) to change that.<\/p>\n 4. \u00a0WWE World\u00a0Heavyweight Title:\u00a0Brock Lesnar\u00a0\u00a9 (w\/ Paul Heyman) v John Cena v Seth Rollins (w\/J&J Security).<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0There’s two hours still to go, and just this and the Royal Rumble, so this is presumably going long. \u00a0I’m guessing Cena wins and then Rollins cashes in his Money in the Bank title shot to win in turn. \u00a0There’s a lot of things they could do. \u00a0But they were teasing Lesnar\/Sting earlier tonight, and that’s surely not going to be a title match, so chances are high that he’s losing one way or another.<\/p>\n Incidentally, Lesnar has only defended this title once since winning it at Summerslam. \u00a0And he lost that match by DQ. \u00a0#dominance.<\/p>\n It’s a Philly crowd of\u00a0hardcore\u00a0fans, so of course they hate Cena. \u00a0Fast start. \u00a0Lesnar dominates both his opponents in\u00a0the early going, and gets rid of J&J Security pretty much instantly,\u00a0which is a babyface spot for him, surely? \u00a0Basic story here is that\u00a0Lesnar dominates unless Rollins and Cena work together against him, but whenever they get him out of the ring they go for quick wins against each other. \u00a0Normally WWE three-ways tend to be guys taking turns to leave the ring, but this is more of a genuine three-way, I guess because the story demands it. \u00a0This is pretty good. \u00a0Lesnar takes three AAs and the Peace Of Mind in a row and is still\u00a0largely unfazed. \u00a0They’re putting him over as a superman. \u00a0Eventually\u00a0Cena whacks him over the head with the ring steps and Rollins does an elbow drop from the top rope to put him through the Spanish announce table. \u00a0That\u00a0finally<\/em> gets him to stop moving so that Cena and Rollins can wrestle each other for a bit.<\/p>\n Cena puts Rollins in the STF,\u00a0and J&J Security run in to make the save\u00a0(triple threat matches are No DQ), while\u00a0the doctors show up to stretcher Lesnar out. \u00a0Cena makes his heroic comeback to get rid of J&J Security for the second time. \u00a0He and Rollins kick out of each other’s finishers. \u00a0Rollins hits a corkscrew moonsault but\u00a0a miraculously revivified Lesnar runs in to kill everyone and F5 Rollins for the pin in just under 23 minutes.<\/p>\n Okay, that was very good. \u00a0If\u00a0you’re going to have Lesnar doing a stretcher job then just having him suddenly pop up and run back into the ring barely selling anything seems slightly questionable, but\u00a0they\u00a0were<\/em> going for the superman angle. \u00a0Definitely\u00a0pulling out the stops to\u00a0go for the big match feel, and\u00a0pretty much hitting the mark. \u00a0Pretty obviously structured with Lesnar as the pseudo-babyface, as well, even though he’s notionally a heel – no interference from Heyman whatsoever.<\/p>\n 5. \u00a02015 Royal Rumble.<\/strong> \u00a0Is anyone still reading this who doesn’t know the rules? \u00a0It’s a\u00a0battle royal. \u00a030 entrants, everyone\u00a0draws a number and enters in sequence at two minute intervals or thereabouts. \u00a0Elimination by going over the top rope and having both feet hit the floor (so there’s always at least one “somebody saves themselves from elimination in creative way” spot). \u00a0Winner challenges for the World Title at Wrestlemania, in what will be announced as the “main event”\u00a0regardless of\u00a0whether it actually\u00a0headlines the show. \u00a0Of the announced competitors, there’s a distinct shortage of\u00a0plausible winners – basically just Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan – but there are plenty of unannounced slots and I know\u00a0the Rock was teasing that he’d be in it.<\/p>\n Miz is #1. \u00a0R-Truth is #2. \u00a0I’d forgotten he was still on the roster. \u00a0JBL, on commentary, advises wrestlers to stay away\u00a0from the ropes and hide in the corners. \u00a0What does he think the corners are made of? \u00a0Bubba Ray Dudley is #3\u00a0to the delight of the middle-aged\u00a0ECW fans in the crowd, and he and R-Truth do the Dudleyz’ old double team spots to eliminate Miz. \u00a0Bubba instantly dispatches R-Truth.<\/p>\n Luke Harper is #4. \u00a0His former mentor\u00a0Bray Wyatt is #5. \u00a0They\u00a0dispose of Bubba and decide to team up against whoever shows up next. Curtis Axel is #6, but the remaining ex-Wyatt Family member, Erick Rowan (who didn’t qualify for the Rumble),\u00a0nails him on the ramp and charges the ring. \u00a0Wyatt takes advantage to get rid of Harper. \u00a0The Boogeyman is #7 for another nostalgia pop. \u00a0He doesn’t last long. \u00a0Nor does Sin Cara at #8. \u00a0Nor does Zack Ryder (!) at #9. \u00a0Quite the low-end star power they’re throwing at Bray here. \u00a0This schtick usually ends with a proper star\u00a0showing up to\u00a0pose a real threat…<\/p>\n And as I type that, here’s Daniel Bryan at #10. \u00a0Fandango is #11. \u00a0Tyson Kidd is #12, so Bryan’s now in there with three heels. \u00a0Stardust is #13. \u00a0Bryan eliminates Kidd, then he and Wyatt brawl outside for a bit to leave the ring clear for\u00a0Diamond Dallas Page at\u00a0#14 to do some\u00a0more nostalgia. \u00a0Rusev is\u00a0#15, and promptly gets rid of DDP and Fandango. \u00a0Bryan heroically takes on Rusev and Wyatt at the same time,\u00a0and gets eliminated. \u00a0The crowd don’t like that, but then he\u00a0did<\/em> win last year and there’s nowhere to go in having him win again, other than a repeat. \u00a0If he’s not winning, best\u00a0make him look strong\u00a0and get him out of the way in the hope that the crowd have forgotten by the time you reach the ending. \u00a0Well, best keep him out of the match entirely, to be honest, but they didn’t think of that.<\/p>\n Goldust is #16. \u00a0The crowd is angry that Daniel Bryan has been eliminated. \u00a0#17\u00a0is Kofi Kingston. \u00a0The crowd is angry that Daniel Bryan has been eliminated. \u00a0#18 is Adam Rose,\u00a0and he gets his full entrance so that Kofi can land on his Rosebuds and crowd surf to safety\u00a0– only for the Rosebuds to\u00a0ignore Rose as he flies straight past them to the floor. \u00a0Cute. \u00a0Oh, did Kingston get eliminated somewhere? \u00a0I missed that.<\/p>\n #19 is Roman Reigns, and the crowd boo him because Daniel Bryan has been eliminated. \u00a0Not his fault, guys. \u00a0He eliminates Goldust and Stardust, which leaves him with Rusev and Wyatt. \u00a0Big E\u00a0is #20, giving us a second chance to enjoy the New Day’s uninspiring entrance video. \u00a0Damien Mizdow is #21. \u00a0The crowd like him! \u00a0Miz tries to\u00a0take his spot, but Mizdow enters the ring and\u2026 promptly gets eliminated by Rusev. \u00a0Then he goes back to mimicking Miz’s tantrum, which is cute. \u00a0The crowd realise that fun time is over, and go back to being angry that Daniel Bryan has been eliminated.<\/p>\n Jack Swagger is #22, and the fans are willing to chant along with his catchphrase. \u00a0Ryback is #23, and he goes after Rusev to further their feud. \u00a0Kane is #24. \u00a0The ring is now full of big guys and not much is happening. \u00a0Dean Ambrose is #25, and the crowd\u00a0is behind him. \u00a0Don’t get your hopes up, guys. \u00a0Titus O’Neil is #26,\u00a0and he goes straight out. \u00a0Bad News Barrett is #27. \u00a0Still not much is happening. \u00a0This looks like they’re setting up for somebody to come in and clear out the ring for a big pop. \u00a0Cesaro is #28. \u00a0There goes Big E. \u00a0The Big Show is #29. \u00a0He and Kane, as Authority stablemates, team up\u00a0to eliminate uppity babyfaces Ryback and Swagger.<\/p>\n And #30 is Dolph Ziggler. \u00a0So no Rock. \u00a0He gets rid of\u00a0Barrett\u00a0and\u00a0Cesaro before getting eliminated by the Authority duo. \u00a0Hey, when did Rusev get eliminated? \u00a0Oh well. \u00a0The Authority duo eliminate Wyatt, leaving\u00a0ex-Shield members Ambrose and Reigns. \u00a0The crowd\u00a0isn’t pleased, because Daniel Bryan has been eliminated. \u00a0Ambrose is eliminated. \u00a0The crowd know Reigns is going to win, and they turn on the match. \u00a0The Authority duo\u00a0start squabbling among themselves, and Reigns eliminates them both to a chorus of boos. \u00a0They\u00a0re-enter the ring to beat up Reigns, and the Rock runs in to\u00a0make the save and attempt to endorse Reigns. \u00a0The crowd isn’t having it. \u00a0Oh, hold on, there’s Rusev! \u00a0He\u00a0was never eliminated after all. \u00a0Reigns finishes him off, to win\u00a0the match for real.<\/p>\n Well, that didn’t work at all, did it? \u00a0Not that it wasn’t predictable. \u00a0Reigns isn’t ready for this, and the Rumble – in Philly of all places – attracts hardcore fans who were going to reject him to voice displeasure at the booking. \u00a0But that’s two years running they’ve booked a Royal Rumble that the crowd (albeit an atypical crowd) violently rejected, and you’d think\u00a0some lessons would be learned there. \u00a0Granted, it’s not like they had many great alternatives this year, but\u00a0Reigns is not the guy for this role\u00a0at this moment.<\/p>\n Very good title match, a backfiring Rumble, and a\u00a0pretty forgettable undercard.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Oh, alright, then. \u00a0I’m going to watch this show, so\u00a0why not set out a few thoughts as I do that, and open a comments thread for anyone\u00a0who wants to chip in? I’m watching this on Monday night on Apple TV – which, by the way, doesn’t have a WWE Network app in the UK, whatever […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2901","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wrestling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2901","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2901"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2901\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2902,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2901\/revisions\/2902"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2901"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2901"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.housetoastonish.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2901"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}