One of the weirdest charts in quite some time, and it’s all the fault of the Olympic closing ceremony.  While the opening ceremony was generally acclaimed as a weird but wonderful tribute to all things British, the closing ceremony – which I watched from a hotel room in Switzerland until I lost the will to live – was essentially a middle aged man sharing his record collection with us.  But if you play music to a large enough audience, some of them will go out and buy it, even if it’s music they’ve heard a million times before.  People are strange that way.

1.  Rita Ora – “How We Do (Party)”

Er… really?

This is Rita Ora’s third number one of the year, following her guest vocal on DJ Fresh’s “Hot Right Now” in February, and her own “R.I.P.” in May.  It was released in international markets as the lead single from her upcoming album, presumably because it’s more in a Katy Perry/Kesha vein than the other two just mentioned.  I don’t think much of it.  But three number ones in eight months is pretty good going nonetheless.

The hook is lifted from “Party and Bullshit” by Notorious B.I.G., an early single from 1993, two years before he first charted in the UK top 40.

3.  Emeli Sandé – “Read All About It Part 3”

This isn’t an official single, but Sandé performed it twice at the Olympic closing ceremony, and the British have raced out to buy it.  The original version, a collaboration with Professor Green, was a number 1 hit last year.  This is the “all Sandé version”, much like Alicia Keys’ solo version of “Empire State Of Mind”, and it’s included on her own album – which returns to number 1 itself.

It’s “Part 3” because Green had already used the title “Read All About It Part 2” for a more mellow version he recorded for a Q magazine cover-mount, with Sandé’s part taken by a guy called Fink.  There’s also a version for the Italian market with local artist Dolcenera handling the chorus, and titled “Read All About It (Tutto quello che devi sapere)”.

4.  Elbow – “One Day Like This”

More from the Olympic closing ceremony.  “One Day Like This” came out in 2008 and peaked at number 35, though it hovered around the fringes of the chart, making occasional re-entries, for some time after.  It now becomes Elbow’s biggest hit by a mile; their previous peak was number 19, reached by three different singles – “Asleep in the Back”/“Coming Second” from 2002, “Fallen Angel” from 2003 (which has a rather good video), and “Grounds for Divorce” in 2008.  The four-year-old parent album “The Seldom Seen Kid” re-enters the album chart at number 6.

6.  Kate Bush – “Running Up That Hill”

Kate Bush didn’t even appear at the closing ceremony – they just played a new mix of the record.  The fact that the remix is available might explain why this is doing quite so well.  The version above is the original, which reached number 3 in 1985.  Wikipedia says that in America it made number 13 on something called the Billboard Hot Dance Club Play chart, which suggests a remarkably broad genre definition.

Bush’s biggest UK hit was her debut “Wuthering Heights”, which spent four weeks at number 1 in 1978.  Her last hit was in 2005, when “King of the Mountain” reached number 4, though for the hit before that, you have to go back to 1994.  That’s more a reflection of her extremely low output over the last twenty years.  “Wuthering Heights” is indeed a classic, as is the UK version of the video, which is miles better than most people were doing at the time.  (America got a different video entirely, which hasn’t aged nearly as well.)

8.  Trey Songz – “Simply Amazing”

A second UK hit for the R&B singer, following “Heart Attack”, which reached number 28 in June.  Pretty generic, if you ask me.

9.  Porter Robinson – “Language”

Back in the regular release schedule, Ministry of Sound have really gone to town with the video for this dance track.  It appears to tell the tale of a girl who, after encountering a giant translucent monolith, learns to intimidate wolves.  Robinson is a DJ from North Carolina, and this is his first UK hit.  There seems to have been an upswing in dance records charting over the last few weeks – just a blip?

15.  George Michael – “White Light”

When George Michael was asked to perform at the Olympic closing ceremony, he just knew that there was no better way to pay tribute to the hard work of the world’s greatest athletes than by promoting his new single.  Quite why he was indulged in this way remains something of a mystery, even allowing for the dubious taste displayed in the whole ceremony.  This was at number 8 in the midweeks but ploughed down the charts as the week went on.

“I’m alive,” sings George, “and I’ve got so much more that I want to do.”  Yes, but do we want to hear it?  To put matters in perspective, George Michael hasn’t had a top ten hit since 2004, and it’s not for want of trying.  For all the Olympic publicity, this is pretty much where his singles usually enter these days.

18.  John Lennon – “Imagine”

Are there really people out there only just realising that they want a copy of this?  Well, perhaps the Olympic closing ceremony at least reminded some of them that they didn’t have it on their iPods.

“Imagine” reached number 6 on its original release in 1975, spent four weeks at number 1 in 1980 (when it was re-released following Lennon’s murder), and also reached number 3 on re-release in 1999.

22.  Muse – “Survival”

Muse’s official Olympic anthem, a typically unrestrained and ludicrous epic from a band who are presumably joking more often than they’re given credit for, reached number 25 on its initial release before the Olympics began. Naturally, they did it again at the closing ceremony.

31.  Ryan O’Shaughnessy – “No Name”

An Irish singer-songwriter who came fifth in Britain’s Got Talent earlier this year.  (He was also in Ireland’s version of The Voice but didn’t get very far.)  Not a typical Simon Cowell signing, to put it mildly.  His album debuts at number 9 this week, so there may well be a promising career here.

32.  One Direction – “What Makes You Beautiful” 

Just to prove that the Olympic Closing Ceremony effect benefits virtually anything (except, oddly, “Our House” and “West End Girls”), the boy band’s number 1 single from last year is also back.

34.  Ed Sheeran – “Wish You Were Here”

A cover version from the Olympic closing ceremony of the Pink Floyd song, which was never actually released as a single in its own right.

38.  Oasis – “Wonderwall” 

Oasis didn’t appear at the closing ceremony, but Liam Gallagher did, to perform this song along with his new band Beady Eye.  The original release reached number 2 in November 1995.  (And if you’re wondering what great epic could possibly have kept “Wonderwall” off number 1 in the height of Britpop, it was this one.)