A busy week for new entries – so to make up for it, we have a static top 5.

1. Sam Smith & Kim Petras – “Unholy”

Which means two weeks for these guys.

6. Ed Sheeran – “Celestial”

This is, of all things, a track promoting Pokémon Scarlet & Violet, the upcoming instalment in the long-running children’s cock-fighting simulator franchise. The actual song is typical Ed Sheeran with no Pokémon content; you can see why somebody thought it was good enough to merit actually promoting it as a proper single, but you can also see why he gave it up to a side project in the first place.

It’s his 40th top 10 hit, and he’s only the fifth artist ever to achieve that – it puts him in the company of Elvis Presley, Cliff Richard, Madonna and Michael Jackson. The prospect of a top 40 without an Ed Sheeran song in it seems as far away as ever. He also appears as a guest on Aitch’s “My G” (number 16) and Burna Boy’s “For My Hand” (number 19).

24. KSI – “Summer Is Over”

That’s a bit underwhelming after his previous single, “Not Over Yet”, entered at number 4. The song itself is perfectly okay, though. I can see it being a grower.

26. Arctic Monkeys – “Body Paint”

The Arctic Monkeys are a curious anomaly in the singles chart – a band who plainly long since shifted their attention to the album format and aren’t even trying to make radio-friendly singles. And yet here they are with their second single from the upcoming album. By a weird coincidence, it’s their third consecutive number 26 single, following “There’d Better be a Mirrorball” and 2018’s “One Point Perspective”.

31. D4vd – “Romantic Homicide”

It’s pronounced “David”. He’s a teenager who started as a Fortnite streamer and switched to music. It’s a much better record than that makes it sound – it’s been out since July and it’s been slowly picking up steam over on TikTok, so it’s not here simply because of a built-in gaming audience. (And you can get hits that way – “Mask” by Dream reached number 38 last year.)

38. Venbee & Goddard – “Messy in Heaven”

More debuts. Venbee is a singer-songwriter from Kent; another of her tracks, “Low Down”, got some traction on TikTok in the spring, but only reached number 59. Goddard is a drum and bass producer; only the second Goddard to have a top 40 hit. The other one was Alexa Goddard, a YouTube singer who somehow got a version of “Turn My Swag On” to number 20 in 2010, when that route was less established.

“Messy in Heaven” is really quite good, and can also lay claim to one of the more unlikely radio edits of recent years, thoughtfully offering radio stations the option of “I heard my mate lost his mind on a night out” as an alternative to the original opening line, “I heard Jesus did cocaine on a night out.”

39. Jax – “Victoria’s Secret”

Another debut hit. Jackie Miskanic came third in American Idol in 2015; this has been floating around the lower reaches of the chart for 9 weeks now, not quite becoming the viral hit it’s patently designed to be. It’s not a subtle record, which is fine, but I can’t shake the feeling that it comes off as more calculated than it wants to.

This week’s climbers:

• “Cuff It” by Beyoncé climbs 14-10 to become her 21st top 10 hit.
• “Psycho” by Anne-Marie & Aitch climbs 13-12.
• “For My Hand” by Burna Boy featuring Ed Sheeran climbs 20-19.
• “2 Be Loved (Am I Ready)” by Lizzo climbs 21-20.
• “Calm Down” by Rema climbs 25-21.
• “All for You” by Cian Ducrot climbs 29-23.

The six records leaving the chart are:

• “Atlantis” by Seafret, spending its fourth straight week hovering between 38 and 41.
• “Words” by Alesso & Zara Larsson, another record hovering around the 40 mark; it’s had two non-consecutive weeks in the top 40, peaking at 36.
• “Late Night Talking” by Harry Styles, a former number 2.
• “Break My Soul” by Beyoncé, ditto.
• “Crazy What Love Can Do” by David Guetta, Becky Hill & Ella Henderson, which got to 5.
• “Hotel” by Montell Fish, which managed two weeks peaking at 27 – a shame, it deserved better.

The album chart is… very busy indeed. There are twelve new entries here, so we’re going to rush through them a bit.

1. Slipknot – “The End So Far”

That’s their third number 1 album, following “Iowa” (2001) and “We Are Not Your Kind” (2019). They’re as mellow as ever.

2. George Michael – “Older”

Re-issue of his 1996 album. Now available in Dolby spatial audio, if that’s your thing. I’m assuming it was meant to be out for the 25th anniversary last year and slipped somehow.

3. The Snuts – “Burn the Empire”

Scottish indie band; it’s the follow-up to their 2021 number 1 album “W.L.”.

7. Craig David – “22”

His eighth album, his sixth to make the top 10. It’s been 22 years since his first hits, hence the title. (I assume.)

10. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Cool It Down”

Their first album in nine years, though they’ve been playing the occasional show since 2017 (pandemic allowing). It’s their fifth album and their fourth top 10. The one that missed, surprisingly, was their debut “Fever To Tell”, which got to 13.

11. Björk – “Fossora”

Her previous album only got to number 25, so this is pretty good. All the more so when you consider that (1) it’s a really busy week for new releases, and (2) this is… well, whatever the opposite of easy listening is.

12. K-Trap – “The Last Whip II”

Sequel to his 2017 self-released mixtape; it’s his fifth top 40 album, and the highest placing.

13. The Pixies – “Doggerel”

This is the Pixies in accessible veteran mode. They have a better album chart record than you might expect – this is their first studio album to miss the top 10 since their debut “Surfer Rosa”.

25. Gabriels – “Angels & Queens – Part 1”

Debut album. This is really rather good, and I’ll have to set some time aside to listen to the whole album.

30. Denzel Curry – “Melt My Eyez See Your Future”

Florida rapper. It’s his first top 40 album.

34. Shygirl – “Nymph”

Debut album. Might be one of those pop acts that somehow wind up on the album chart instead of the singles, but the single above is pretty good, and the reviews are strong.

37. Shakespears Sister – “Hormonally Yours”

Thirtieth anniversary reissue; the album reached number 3 on release. It’s the one with “Stay” on it, but let’s have one of the other singles.