This week offers a new low for uneventfulness in the streaming-era top 40: a chart with sixteen non-movers (including everything from number 4 down to number 14) and no new entries.  Staggeringly dull would be a kind way to describe it.  It’s the sort of chart that delivers on the top 40’s official function of providing a historical record, while utterly failing on its underlying mission to provide a promotional storyline for the music industry.  But there is at least one thing of note:

1.  The Chainsmokers featuring Halsey – “Closer”

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Four new entries this week!  Positively hyperactive!  Which means we can skip quickly over the climbers to get to them…

1.  Major Lazer featuring Justin Bieber & MØ – “Cold Water”

That’s five weeks.  But it only had a 2% lead over DJ Snake, so it’s not likely to last that much longer. (more…)

This is what you call a laughably uneventful week.  It’s the sort of week that must leave the Official Charts Company’s social media people bashing their skulls off the desk in frustration as they desperately scour through the top 40 looking for something, anything, worth tweeting about.

There really isn’t much to work with, which is why I’m doing this post on Friday night and getting it out of the way.  (Not that there are any X-stories to review this week either.  Might do Paw Patrol.  Been watching a lot of Paw Patrol.)

1.  Major Lazer featuring Justin Bieber & MØ – “Cold Water”

You’re still reading?  Okay.  Well, this is four weeks at number one.  Long by normal standards, not so much by this year’s.  In fact, there hasn’t been a number one that lasted less than a month since February.

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Looks like another single might be settling in for a long stay…

1.  Major Lazer featuring Justin Bieber & MØ – “Cold Water”

Three weeks at number one, which is no real surprise.  It’s not the top seller any more, but it does have a big lead in streams.  But for a change, it has a challenge from a new entry.

2.  DJ Snake featuring Justin Bieber – “Let Me Love You”

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After last week’s exciting anticlimax, when Drake didn’t set a record after all, the singles chart has a nice lie down and a rest.

1.  Major Lazer featuring Justin Bieber & MØ – “Cold Water”

It was miles ahead of everyone else last time, so it’s completely unsurprising that “Cold Water” gets a second week at number one.  Combined sales and streams are actually slightly up.  It still doesn’t have a proper video, by the way, which means that we haven’t had a number one single with a video since April.

2.  Calum Scott – “Dancing On My Own” (more…)

Last time, Drake’s “One Dance” had reached its fifteenth week at number one, just one week short of matching the all-time record held by Bryan Adams.  And…

1.  Major Lazer featuring Justin Bieber & MØ – “Cold Water”

…it’s a bit of an anticlimax.  Because as I also pointed out last time, Drake only made it to fifteen weeks thanks to the boost from cutting the price on iTunes.  That was always going to make sixteen weeks a struggle, and so after all that time at number one, “One Dance” drops straight to number five.

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So, I’ve been out of town, which is why I haven’t got around to reviewing the Uncanny arc that finished last week.  I’ll get to it in the next couple of days.  But first, let’s see what’s happened in the chart while I was away…

Oh.

1.  Drake featuring Wizkid & Kyla – “One Dance” 

Another challenger is seen off, as the Chainsmokers’ “Don’t Let Me Down” falls back to number 3 this week, and Drake’s seemingly eternal run at the top drones on.  We’re getting to crunch time, because this matches the fifteen week run of Wet Wet Wet’s “Love Is All Around” in 1994, and one more week will match the all-time record for the longest single stay at number one, set by Bryan Adams’ “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” in 1991.

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It.  Will.  Not.  Die.

1.  Drake featuring WizKid & Kyla – “One Dance” 

The eternal number one just won’t go away.  Kungs’ “This Girl” spent four weeks at number 2, but this week it drops to number 5.  So Drake sees off another challenger.  And that’s fourteen weeks – matching the combined total of “Bohemian Rhapsody” across both its runs.  One more week and it ties with “Love Is All Around”.  Sales and streams are both dropping, so it has to stop some time…

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Okay, so… yes, I was going to do a Watch With Father post before this, but it’s been a busy week, plus there’s been a lot of mesmerisingly distracting stuff on the news, plus there haven’t been any storylines wrapping up in the X-books.  But we’re settling down again now, so we really should be getting back into a more regular schedule.

Meanwhile… in a terrifying and uncertain world, one thing is immutable.

1.  Drake featuring Wizkid & Kyla – “One Dance”

Thirteen weeks.  Thirteen.  On a pure sales chart it wouldn’t even be in the top 10 any more, but it’s just not shifting from the streaming charts.  The sales number one would be “This Girl” by Kungs vs Cookin’ on 3 Burners, which is stuck at number 2 on the combined chart for the fourth week.

So let’s take a step back to consider what on earth is going on here.

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We’re going through another of those phases when all the X-books are in mid-storyline (not least because the three core X-Men titles are in the middle of a supposed crossover that isn’t actually crossing over), and with one thing or another I’ve been distracted from following up some of the other regulars, but we should be getting back to a more normal posting schedule over the next week or so.  In the meantime, on the singles chart, all is quiet – three new entries, all outside the top 30.

1.  Drake featuring Wizkid and Kyla – “One Dance”

And that’s twelve weeks.  This is entirely due to continued streaming popularity – at this point, “One Dance” is number 9 on the pure sales chart – and there are starting to be murmurings that the chart compilers may be looking again at the weighting of sales to streams.  Time will tell whether these sorts of extended runs are going to be the new normal in the current era, but it does seem to be something of a fluke, given more normal turnover of records at number 2 over the same period: “Cheap Thrills” by Sia (3 weeks), “This is What You Came For” by Calvin Harris featuring Rihanna (2 weeks), “Can’t Stop The Feeling” by Justin Timberlake (4 weeks) and “This Girl” by Kungs vs Cookin’ on Three Burners (3 weeks).

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