He’s going to be here forever, isn’t he?

1. Alex Warren – “Ordinary”

That’s ten weeks. In itself, ten weeks isn’t so unusual for a major hit We had a 9-week number 1 from Sabrina Carpenter last year, and 2023 saw two tracks spend ten weeks at number 1 – “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and “Sprinter” by Dave and Central Cee. In 2022, Harry Styles did it with “As It Was”. But “Ordinary” is still nearly 70% ahead of Ravyn Lenae at number 2. If it makes eleven weeks – which seems likely – then to match that, you have to go back to “Bad Habits” by Ed Sheeran in 2021.

8. Skye Newman – “Family Matters”

Oh, this is quite good, isn’t it? Skye Newman’s first hit “Hairdresser” entered at number 30 two weeks ago, and it seems to get some spillover attention from this hit – it climbs 29-16 this week, giving her two tracks in the top 20.

25. Lola Young – “One Thing”

Lola Young wasn’t technically on the one-hit wonders list after her number 1 “Messy”, because she was belatedly given a featured artist credit on “Like Him” by Tyler, The Creator. But this is her real second hit single. I’m not immediately sold on it, but “Messy” took a while to grow on me as well. It also has a video that’s trying its utmost to overshadow the song.

31. Remember Monday – “What The Hell Just Happened” 

This is the UK entry for the Eurovision Song Contest, which didn’t do brilliantly. It came 19th in the final and got nothing in the public vote. It’s a slightly mystifying choice of entry. It’s full of tempo changes and slows down for the chorus. This isn’t a particularly great year in terms of Eurovision entries, as you can possibly tell from the fact that we’ve reached number 31 before having to mention it – though there are two more of these to come.

Israel walked the phone vote in many European countries thanks to an extremely loyal political vote (over in the real world, their song doesn’t make the top 100) and did well enough in the jury vote that the contest came very close to having a major political headache next year. But a big part of that is the failure of anything else to really break from the pack. The actual winner of the contest, JJ’s “Wasted Love”, is down at number 53, and while it’s not a bad record at all, it also feels rather similar to last year’s Nemo track.

32. Morgan Wallen & Tate McRae – “What I Want” 

This is a track from his album “I’m the Problem”, which enters the album chart at number 1. It’s his fourth album, and until now he hasn’t got above number 40. It’s 37 tracks long and runs to nearly two hours. Perhaps the special edition will require you to set aside a week.

Apparently, Tate McRae is now a big enough name for her guest appearances on album tracks to get some release-week notice, though this track is also being pushed as a promotional single. She still has “Revolving Door” at 17 and “Sports Car” at 37.

34. Abor & Tynna – “Baller” 

This is the German entry (though the duo are actually Austrian – Eurovision is like that). It came 15th overall and didn’t do much better in the public vote, so at first glance it’s a surprisingly one to make the top 40. But it is a track that doesn’t seem out of place in the regular chart, aside from the fact that it’s in German.

40. Tommy Cash – “Espresso Macchiato” 

The Estonian entry. This came third, though, so it’s as close as we had to a breakout novelty track this year. It’s worth saying that Cash isn’t purely a novelty act – his output also includes relatively normal tracks like “Winaloto”, which went modestly viral a few years back and has over 9 million views on YouTube.  Then again, he’s also a bit of a controversy-baiter. I mean… this speaks for itself, really.

I don’t normally mention tracks buried down in the lower reaches, but I can’t resist pointing out that Rihanna released her first new single since 2022 this week, and it entered at number 72. You might be wondering how a new Rihanna single could possibly do that badly. Well…

…that’s how. You’ve got to admire the hustle, though. She got paid for that.

This week’s climbers:

• “Undressed” by Sombr climbs 5-4.
• “Blessings” by Calvin Harris & Clementine Douglas climbs 8-7.
• “Shake it to the Max (Fly)” by Moliy & Silent Addy climbs 15-14.
• “Hairdresser” by Skye Newman climbs 29-16, easily this week’s biggest climber.
• “Party 4 U” by Charli XCX climbs 28-19.

The six tracks leaving the top 40 are:

• “That’s So True” by Gracie Abrams, which has been with us since October and spent eight weeks at number 1.
• “Borderline” by Ely Oaks & LAVINIA, after a single week at number 35.
• “Caramel”, “Even in Arcadia” and “Look to Windward”  by Sleep Token, all getting a single week in the 30s on the back of their album release.
• “The Giver” by Chappell Roan, after ten weeks and peaking at number 2. It held up decently well until the downweighting rule hit, but it’s not in the league of her bigger hits.

On the album chart, “I’m the Problem” by Morgan Wallen is number 1.

4. The Sherlocks – “Everything Must Make Sense” 

Trad indie, and quite good at it. It’s their fourth studio album and matches its predecessor as their highest placing.

7. Peter Doherty – “Felt Better Alive” 

His fifth solo album, and easily the highest placing. His previous best was his 2009 solo debut “Grace / Wastelands”, which got to 17.

8. Dire Straits – “Brothers in Arms”

40th anniversary reissue. It spent 14 weeks at number 1 in 1985-6. It’s also the one with “Money for Nothing” on it, with the rudimentary CGI video, but the lyrics on that track, um, haven’t aged well.

20. Avicii – “Forever” 

It’s a compilation with a couple of previously unreleased tracks.

33. Bury Tomorrow – “Will You Haunt Me With That Same Patience” 

Metalcore. They had a top 10 album in 2020 but two albums since then have landed in the mid-30s, which is where they were placing in the mid-2010s – so they seem to have returned to their level.