I never did get around to doing last week’s chart.  So I’ll catch up now.  We’ll run through this week’s new entries, and the tracks from last week that are still around.  Last week’s number 1 was a one-week-wonder new entry, which we’ll come to in a bit.  But first…

1.  Chris Brown, “Turn Up The Music”

Oh, Britain.  Oh, really.

Chris Brown has been around since 2006, but this is his first UK number one.  His previous best was debut single “Run It!” back in 2006.  His success in the UK is decidedly patchy – his last single, “She Ain’t You”, failed to make the top 50 last year.  But this is the start of the campaign for his new album, so inevitably it’s doing better.

Notoriously, Brown was convicted in 2009 for domestic violence, something that would have destroyed most people’s careers.  It’s certainly prevented him from getting a visa to make any further promotional appearances in the UK.  But somehow or other, the public just don’t seem to care.  “Turn Up The Music” is an utterly middling electropop track of no particular distinction, which makes its success all the stranger.  Reassuringly, the midweek charts have it dropping to 5, so this really does seem to be a one-week wonder.

2.  Sean Paul, “She Doesn’t Mind”

Entered at number 2 last week, holds steady now, and the midweeks have it still sitting at 2 next week too.  He’s been promoting this track across various European territories since last autumn, and finally reaches the UK.  And it’s a rather good pop/dancehall crossover single, if we’re being honest.  Sean Paul’s been around since 2002, believe it or not.  This is his biggest hit as a lead artist, though he previously guested on “Breathe” by Blu Cantrell (number 1 in 2003).  Video seems to be a weird hangover from the days when routine air travel was considered exotic.

4.  Katy Perry, “Part of Me”

Last week’s number 1 single, dropping quickly down the chart.  It’s her third UK number one, following “I Kissed A Girl” and “California Gurls”.  It’s the bonus track from the special edition of her album “Teenage Dream”.  Given her recent divorce from Russell Brand, it’s perhaps unsurprising that she’s putting out a break-up song, though apparently it was written a couple of years ago and shelved on the grounds that it didn’t fit with the rest of the album.  You know what you’re getting with Katy Perry, but this is one of her better songs.  The video is a bit of a departure for her, even though the acting in the opening minute is quite something.

6.  Plan B, “iLL Manors”

Politics making a rare appearance in the top ten.

Plan B started off as a rapper but made his commercial breakthrough in 2010 when he switched tack to soul music with his album “The Defamation of Strickland Banks”.  His biggest hit remains that album’s “She Said”, which peaked at 3.  “iLL Manors” is the title track from the soundtrack to his upcoming film, which he describes as some kind of hip-hop musical.  He’s writing and directing it.

Since nobody ever listens to verse lyrics, this track is going to be widely interpreted as a riot anthem.  The actual intended point seems to be more along the lines that treating the poor as an underclass becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I wouldn’t be entirely surprised to learn that when we see the film, it turns out to be in character to some extent.  It’s a pretty good track, and a welcome surprise this high up the chart – though admittedly, it’s also a good demonstration of why the word “bloody” is not a suitable substitute in a radio edit, and some of the generic anti-politician stuff is rather banal.

The string sample ultimately comes from Shostakovich’s 7th Symphony, but Plan B took it from “Alles Neu” by Peter Fox, a big hit in Germany in 2008.  Fox’s single is rather better, and would probably have been a big hit worldwide had it not been entirely in German – an understandable artistic decision, since aside from being his native language, it’s also a song calling for the reinvigoration of the German music scene.  Surprisingly, it doesn’t even seem to have been officially released in the UK.  But the video is on YouTube.

(If you’re wondering why all the monkeys, it’s because the album title was “Stadtaffe”, which means “City Monkey”.  A fan video with English translation of the lyrics is available here.)

9.  Labrinth, “Last Time”

Entered at 4 last week, drops to 9 now.  The video kind of has ambitions that exceed its budget, but more or less gets away with that on the strength of sheer ridiculousness.

20.  JLS, “Proud”

This turgid ballad is the lead single from JLS’s fourth album, and it was also a charity release for the BBC’s “Sport Relief” telethon.  Given all that, the chart placings should be putting the fear of god into the record company.  It entered at 6 last week, it drops to 20 now, and the midweeks have it at 40.  That’s pretty much a bomb.

26.  You Me At Six, “The Swarm”

You Me At Six are a rock band from Surrey, so this is a rare chart appearance for a guitar band.  That’s probably because it’s an advert.  Like the current Swedish House Mafia single “Greyhound”, this is an outright co-promotion with an advertising campaign; this time, the lucky advertiser is Thorpe Park, who would like to tell you about their new ride The Swarm (which is, apparently, “Europe’s biggest winged rollercoaster”, whatever the hell that means).  You Me At Six’s biggest hit remains last year’s single “Rescue Me”, which peaked at 21.

28.  Olly Murs, “Oh My Goodness”

Third single from his album, but this is on the strength of album track downloads; the actual single version is out this week, and it’s going to leap up the chart.  The track is instantly forgettable.

35.  The Vaccines, “If You Wanna”

You wait months for a guitar band to have a hit, and two come along at once.  And again, advertising (of sorts) is the reason why they’re here – Channel 4 are using this on the trailers for reality show Made in Chelsea.  The Vaccines’ debut album “What Did You Expect From the Vaccines” did well last year, though they’ve never made it further than 32 on the singles chart (with “Post Break-up Sex”).  This is the third single from the album.

36.  B.Traits featuring Elisabeth Troy, “Fever”

B.Traits is Canadian DJ Brianna Price, and this is her debut hit.  Old school dance music – breakbeats, electric piano, it’s all back in fashion, apparently, if this and the recent Redlight single “Get Out My Head” are anything to go by. Guest vocalist Elisabeth Troy has been around forever without having major hits in her own right; her only previous chart appearance was in 2000 as a guest on MJ Cole’s “Hold On To Me”.