Shall we try doing this in reverse order for once, like on a proper chart countdown?  Why not?

36.  Jessica Wright – “Dance All Night”

Oh yeah.  That’s why not.

Jessica Wright is a member of the cast of The Only Way Is Essex, the reality TV show that has been propping up the ITV2 schedule for two years now.  I’ve never seen the show, but apparently it features people from Essex behaving in a stereotypically Essex fashion in what the producers (as quoted on Wikipedia) characterise as “real people in modified situations, saying unscripted lines but in a structured way.”

Wright presumably already featured on the TOWIE cast’s wretched cover version of “Last Christmas”, which reached number 33 at the tail end of last year.  This is, therefore, her second chart appearance.  The record itself is an instantly forgettable electropop ditty of precisely the sort that jobbing songwriters palm off on bozos from reality TV shows.

She has no connection with Jessica Wright, the US Assistant Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs.

30.  Justin Bieber (feat Big Sean) – “As Long As You Love Me”

Returning to the top 40 for a third run, for some bizarre reason.  Actually, it was hovering quite happily in the 20s until it suddenly dropped to 44 the week before last, so perhaps there’s been some kind of blip here.

18.  Conor Maynard (feat Ne-Yo) – “Turn Around”

Since I skipped over this at the end of last week’s post, it seems only fair to note that it did climb 20 places in its second week.  It remains the smallest of his three hits by quite some margin – the other two both made the top 5 – but it’s still climbing on iTunes, so you never know.

12.  Dappy – “Good Intentions”

Something of a return to chart form after his previous single “Tarzan” bombed out at 35.  By Dappy’s standards, this is a thoughtful number, which is to say that he bemoans his poor public image and reminds us at length that he too experiences emotional pain.

3.  PSY – “Gangnam Style”

I wrote about the song last week when it entered the chart at number 37, to become the UK’s first ever Korean-language hit.  Somewhere around the start of the week, the meme finally took off properly in this country and sales rocketed – leading to this remarkable 34 place climb, something we hardly ever see in the absence of special features such as distribution glitches.  But “Gangnam Style” has been out for five weeks.  This is a genuine surge of interest.

Although it’s been the top of the iTunes chart for a few days now, it took a few days to get there – which is why it finds itself at a still-impressive number 3 for the week.  As I write, it’s still at the top on iTunes, so the prospect of it making number 1 next week remains live – particularly as there are no major new releases this week.

Even allowing for the novelty factor, getting this to number one would be quite something.  In the history of the UK charts, there have only been four proper foreign-language number one hits.  Oh, and before someone asks, “La Macarena” and “The Ketchup Song” were both partially translated into English for their UK releases.  And “La Macarena” peaked at number 2 anyway.

The four songs that did make number one with entirely foreign-language lyrics are:-

• “We No Speak Americano” by Yolanda Be Coop & DCUP, from 2010 – a dubious inclusion, since the lyrics are basically sampled from an old Italian song, but they are all in Italian, and there’s a whole verse of the original at the start.
• “La Bamba” by Los Lobos, from 1987, from the Richie Valens biopic of the same name.
• “Rock Me Amadeus” by Falco from 1986.  Yes, the title line is in English, but the rest of it’s in German.
• “Je T’Aime … Moi Non Plus” by Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin, four and a half minutes of Francophone erotic moaning from 1968, which BBC Radio refused to play for fairly obvious reasons – naturally hastening its path to the top of the charts.

2.  Example – “Say Nothing”

This week’s highest new entry, and frankly, the only significant new release.  It’s the lead track from his upcoming album, and though the previous album gave him two number ones, he should still be pretty happy with this.  Admittedly, sales tailed off pretty sharply as the week went on, and iTunes already has it down at 7, so I don’t expect this to be sticking around for long.  It’s one of those “more of the same, but the same isn’t bad at all” records.

1.  The Script (feat will.i.am) – “Hall Of Fame”

Second week at the top – and who knows, if “Gangnam Style” flares out, it might make three.  (There’s certainly nothing challenging for the top among this week’s new releases.)

What else can we say about the Script?  Well, lead singer Danny O’Donoghue and bandmate Mark Sheehan also reached number 22 in 1999 as members of the Irish boy band Mytown, with “Party All Night”.  It’s not really worth clicking on, believe me, but perhaps makes their collaboration with will.i.am look a little less odd.