We have crossed the desert of January!  Behold, new releases!

33.  The Weeknd – “Earned It”

From the soundtrack to Fifty Shades of Grey.  The video is directed by the film’s director Sam Taylor-Johnson, who seems to be gunning for “erotic yet classy”.  Decide for yourself how close she gets.  At any   That’s Dakota Johnson in the video being suspended by ropes about 3 minutes in, by the way.  Take away the video and it’s actually a rather conventional romantic ballad, though a pretty good one.  The Weeknd has previously cropped up as a guest on a couple of singles, most notably Sia’s “Elastic Heart” a couple of weeks back, but this is his first chart appearance as lead artist.

We’ll be getting more from Fifty Shades next week when Ellie Goulding’s single comes out.

30.  Selena Gomez – “The Heart Wants What It Wants”

I imagine it does, Selena.  I imagine it does.

This is one of two new tracks from her greatest hits collection “For You”.  More known in the UK as a denizen of entertainment news than as somebody who actually sells records, Gomez has only had two previous hits in this country – “Naturally” (2010) and “Come and Get It” (2013), both of which did at least make the top ten.  Still, that greatest hits album is going to be a tough sell – and indeed, it enters this week at 64.  This single was at 15 in the midweeks, so sales must have fallen off a cliff.

23.  Maroon 5 – “Sugar”

It says a lot about Maroon 5 that this is a band who were inspired to make a video by The Wedding Crashers, of all things.  The official line is that the video shows them appearing unannounced at genuine weddings across LA on one day.  If you believe that you’ll believe anything – it’s not remotely plausibly shot, a couple of actors have claimed credit for appearing in it, several others appear to be in it, and besides, who the hell is that delighted to see Maroon 5?

16.  James Bay – “Hold Back The River”

Climbing 13 places.  This has had a real resurgence after he cropped up on the BBC’s Sound of 2015 list, and now beats its 2014 peak.

13.  Hannah Wants & Chris Lorenzo – “Rhymes”

This week’s random dance record, from two English DJs making their chart debut.  Good video, with the over saturated archive footage.  The vocal sample is the hook of Busta Rhymes’ “Touch It”, which made the top 10 in 2006.  Apparently there’s some of Daft Punk’s “Technologic” in there too.

Strangely, only two Hannahs have made the top 40 before, both as guest singers doing dodgy covers.  Hannah Alathea sang on Soda Club’s 2002 version of “Take My Breath Away” and their 2003 hammering of “Heaven Is A Place On Earth”, while in 1991, Hannah & Her Sisters offered their services to producers PJB, who thoughtfully graced the chart with the track below.  (Stick with it to 1:10 for the full experience.)

7.  Karen Harding – “Say Something”

Another chart debut.  Karen Harding is a singer who’s shown up on things like the early rounds of X Factor and even the BBC’s dreaded Eurovision: Your Country Needs You.  She finally gets her moment here, thanks in part to having MNEK as producer.  Oddly, MNEK’s only had a hit in his own right as a singer, on Gorgon City’s “Ready For Your Love”.

5.  Kanye West, Rihanna & Paul McCartney – “FourFiveSeconds”

The second West/McCartney collaboration doubles as the lead single from Rihanna’s next album, so it would very probably be higher if there had been advance hype or, well, a video that came about before this Tuesday.  As with the previous single, they were also pretty aggressive about keeping it off the likes of YouTube (until the official video showed up).  It’s another minimalist ballad, nothing groundbreaking though nothing particularly like the discography of anyone involved, and one of the occasional Rihanna records that actually showcases her as a singer first.  It’s growing on me.

3.  Fergie – “L.A. Love (La La)”

There’s a name we haven’t heard in a while.  Fergie was last in the chart as a member of the Black Eyed Peas in 2011; as a solo artist, we last saw her as a guest on David Guetta’s 2010 number 1 “Gettin’ Over You”; and for a solo hit in her own right, you have to go all the way back to 2007, when “Big Girls Don’t Cry” got to 2.

This is the lead single from her upcoming second solo album.  It came out last year in the US, and Americans have been able to enjoy listening to it in Chrysler commercials and as the theme tune to Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons.  It’s a DJ Mustard number, and how much Fergie is really adding to it is debatable.

1.  Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars – “Uptown Funk”

And that’s seven weeks, matching the run of “Bleeding Love” in 2007.  It looks pretty much certain that he won’t manage eight (and besides, the next landmark would be the ten week run of “Umbrella” from earlier in 2007).  Nonetheless, this has been an epic run.  The fact that the release schedule has been dead doesn’t completely explain it; that normally results in records that have been out for a while trading places at number 1.  It’s a major, once in five-years-or-so hit.

On the albums chart:

• “Title” by Meghan Trainor at 1.  The single “Lips Are Movin'” drops to 4.
• “Modern Nature” by The Charlatans at 7.  Their twelfth album, and the first since the death of drummer Jon Brookes in 2013.  It’s their highest chart place since “Wonderland” in 2001 (five studio albums ago).  Single: “So Oh”.
• “Unguarded” by Rae Morris at 9.  Debut album, though she’s been putting out EPs for five years now.  Single: “Under The Shadows”.
• “Stay Gold” by First Aid Kit at 11.  Swedish folk duo.  Not sure what’s going on here – this has been out for ages, and it was at 25 on the midweeks.  They’re touring at the moment, but that doesn’t usually get albums into the chart.  Single: “My Silver Lining”.
• “F.E.A.R.” by Papa Roach at 13.  That’s their highest position since “Lovehatetragedy” back in 2002 (you don’t go to Papa Roach for subtle album titles).  In fact, they haven’t even got above 30 since 2002.  Single: “Face Everything And Rise”.
• “Matador” by Gaz Coombes at 18.  The second solo album from the singer of Supergrass.  The first one (2012’s “Here Come The Bombs”) didn’t chart, so evidently they’ve done a better promotional job this time round.  Single: “20/20”.
• “We Will Not Be Shaken” by Bethel Music at 34.  It’s debatable whether this belongs on the artist album chart – Bethel Music is the music production wing of Bethel Church, described by Wikipedia as “a non-denominational megachurch” based in Redding, California, and this appears to be a compilation album of various worship artists associated with them.  Single: “Ever Be” by Kalley Heiligenthal.  With the best will in the world, the video really does have a touch of the zombie horde to it.