Okay, so… yes, I was going to do a Watch With Father post before this, but it’s been a busy week, plus there’s been a lot of mesmerisingly distracting stuff on the news, plus there haven’t been any storylines wrapping up in the X-books.  But we’re settling down again now, so we really should be getting back into a more regular schedule.

Meanwhile… in a terrifying and uncertain world, one thing is immutable.

1.  Drake featuring Wizkid & Kyla – “One Dance”

Thirteen weeks.  Thirteen.  On a pure sales chart it wouldn’t even be in the top 10 any more, but it’s just not shifting from the streaming charts.  The sales number one would be “This Girl” by Kungs vs Cookin’ on 3 Burners, which is stuck at number 2 on the combined chart for the fourth week.

So let’s take a step back to consider what on earth is going on here.

Thirteen weeks is very, very unusual.  Only two records have ever had longer runs at number one; another couple have had more weeks across multiple reigns.  If Drake manages one more week, he matches the combined total of “Bohemian Rhapsody”, which was number 1 on its initial release in 1975 and again following the death of Freddie Mercury in 1991.  Two more weeks, and he ties with Wet Wet Wet’s “Love Is All Around”.  Three, and he’s level with Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do I Did It For You”, the longest single run at number 1.  It’ll take five more weeks to match the all-time record for the most weeks at number 1, which has stood at 18 since 1953, when Frankie Laine’s “I Believe” had three runs at the top, at a time when the top 10 also included competing versions of “How Much Is That Doggie In The Window”.

Drake is a big star, but “One Dance” doesn’t feel like an obvious cultural phenomenon on the scale that its thirteen week run would suggest.  So one obvious explanation is that this is a result of introducing streaming data to the chart; that the charts have slowed down dramatically; and that this is the new normal.

This is true up to a point.  The chart clearly has slowed down dramatically since streaming data was added, and by its very nature, streaming data favours records with sustained appeal over those sold on the strength of first-week hype.  Interestingly, the pure sales chart has started behaving in much the same way, but that’s presumably because record labels have simply given up bothering to try and hype records to a high chart place on their release.  This is probably no bad thing.  And without streams Drake certainly wouldn’t be number one.  He wouldn’t even be in the top 10.

But it’s not just a streaming thing.  Without the Drake single, the top of the chart would be slow, but the number one slot would still have been turning over every three to four weeks.  Drake gets some help, perversely, from the fact that his single doesn’t have a video.  That should presumably be driving some traffic away from YouTube (which doesn’t count towards the chart) and towards audio streaming services (which do).  The absence of YouTube is probably the most glaring problem with the current chart.  The counter-argument, of course, is that YouTube streams aren’t necessarily referable to the audio – particularly the way the Billboard chart does it, which counts any YouTube video using a song, even if it’s a soundtrack to something completely unrelated.  Still, I can’t help but suspect that video needs to be included somehow, to avoid unbalancing the chart.

But “One Dance” isn’t alone in not having a video either.  Nor is it sustaining its combined sales/streams in some extraordinary way – it tailed off after the first few weeks as you’d expect, though it’s levelled out since.  If something else had come along with the sort of appeal “One Dance” had on its initial release, it would have been replaced at number one long ago.  To some extent, he’s still at number one simply for lack of anything else that’s really broken from the pack to become a big hit.  Perhaps record labels still haven’t figured out how to promote records effectively in the streaming era, or maybe we’re just going through a fallow period for real breakout hits.  Maybe a bit of both.

Anyway, here’s the list of climbers for this week.

5.  Adele – “Send My Love (To Your New Lover)”

Six weeks on the chart, climbing one more place.  It’s now her sixth top 5 hit.

7.  The Chainsmokers featuring Daya – “Don’t Let Me Down”

Also six weeks on chart, and climbing nine places to enter the top 10.  With that, “Don’t Let Me Down” (deservedly) overtakes the 2014 novelty single “Selfie” to become their biggest hit.

10.  Calum Scott – “Dancing On My Own” 

Finally making the top 10 in its twelfth week out.  It may sound like it belongs on Now That’s What I Call Maudlin, but its achingly slow climb – 40-42-36-36-36-38-42-27-28-16-12-10 – shows it’s connecting somewhere.

12.  Kent Jones – “Don’t Mind” 

Up 14 places in its third week, so there’s some real momentum here.

14.  Ariana Grande – “Into You”

This has now moved 40-34-26-22-14, so evidently I was premature in writing it off as a forgettable follow-up single.  It’s now overtaken “Dangerous Woman”, the lead single from the album, which only got to 17.

16.  Jonas Blue featuring JP Cooper – “Perfect Strangers”

Leaping from 38 to 16 in its second week (with a few weeks dawdling outside the top 40 before that).  So we’re starting to get some fresh blood into the top 20, at least.

20.  Shawn Mendes – “Treat You Better”

We’re back in an era where records can stumble out of the gate and recover – this entered at 31 and dropped out of the chart in its second week before moving 38-29-20 to this point.  It’s a completely different set-up from what we’ve been used to in the last ten years, and in many ways a healthier one.

38.  Rihanna – “Needed Me”

Your highest new entry.  At 38.  The video is by Harmony Korine (and it’s NSFW, by the way).  This has been available since February, and it was promoted as a single in the US back in March, but for some reason it’s only just now being promoted over here.  Quite what the point was of starting to promote “Needed Me”, and then immediately stepping on it with the new track “Sledgehammer”, from the Star Trek soundtrack, I can’t imagine.  “Sledgehammer” is at 69 this week and, since it’s getting promoted in its own right, I wouldn’t be surprised if it elbows the official single aside.

39.  MK & Becky Hill – “Piece Of Me”

Well, I’m sure that video meant something to the director.

This has been bubbling under since May and looked to have peaked at 42 a while back, but a quiet week lets it scrape into the bottom end of the chart.  MK is house producer Mark Kinchen, best known for his track “Always”, which was number 1 on the US dance chart in 1992, and got to number 12 in the UK in a remix in 2014.  Becky Hill was a contestant on The Voice UK, and this strikes her off the one-hit-wonder list where she’s been residing since appearing as the featured singer on “Gecko (Overdrive)” by Oliver Heldens two years back.

On the album chart:

• “California” by Blink 182 at number 1, because that’s the sort of fan base that still buys albums in 2016.  It’s their first number 1, their previous peak being number 4 for “Take Off Your Pants and Jacket” in 2001.  Single: “Bored to Death”.
• “The Bride” by Bat For Lashes at 9.  Her third top ten album.  Single: “Sunday Love”.
• “Summer 08” by Metronomy at 20.  The previous album made the top 10, so this is a step back.  Single: “Old Skool”.
• “Modern Synthesis” by Area 11 at 27.  They’re a rock band from Nottingham, and this is their first chart appearance (with their second album).  Despite what the Official Charts database says, they have no connection with the novelty act of the same name who got to number 69 on the singles chart with “Minecraft Christmas” in 2012.  Single: “The Contract”.