It turns out that Lewis Capaldi is not, in fact, “going to be here forever”, whatever I may have said last week.

1.  Lil Nas X – “Old Town Road”

After last week’s 39-2 climb, this probably shouldn’t come as a huge surprise, but Lewis Capaldi’s seven-week run comes to an end with this rap/country viral hit.  There’s clearly a novelty factor at work here, but you can’t really file “Old Town Road” as a novelty record in the traditional sense; it’s played fairly straight, and at most it’s a whimsical fragment, not a comedy song.  And I’ve said this before, but yes, that is the official video.  Well, it’s a “Visualizer” – but it is indeed what you get if you go to his own YouTube channel.  Despite what some people will tell you, this doesn’t technically give Billy Ray Cyrus his first UK number one (“Achy Breaky Heart” was a number 3), because as far as the chart is concerned, he’s not on the lead version of the track, so he doesn’t get credited.

Clocking in at one minute 53, this is on the short side for a number one single.  That’s still a few seconds short of the record for the shortest number one single of all time, which has stood at 1:35 for nearly sixty years now.

“Piece of Your Heart” by Meduza featuring Goodboys climbs another place to 4.

7.  Russ & Tion Wayne – “Keisha & Becky”

This entered at 19 three weeks ago and fell from there; it now vaults all the way from 30 to 7, which can only be because of the remix version above.  That matches Tion Wayne’s previous best, guesting on NSG’s “Options” earlier in the year.  And it beats the number 9 peak of Russ’s only other hit, “Gun Lean”.

“Here With Me” by Marshmello featuring Chvrches climbs 11-10.

12.  Avicii featuring Aloe Blacc – “SOS”

This is the lead single from Avicii’s upcoming posthumous album, in which an assortment of producers and singers have been brought in to complete tracks that he hadn’t actually completed before his death a year ago.  Supposedly this track was largely completed save for the vocals, which is worth them spelling out, since it isn’t a repeat of the stadium country style that Avicii had been trading in.  Aloe Blacc hasn’t had a hit in this country since “The Man” reached number 1 in 2014.  The tune here is partially an acknowledged lift from TLC’s “No Scrubs”.

13.  BTS & Halsey – “Boy With Luv”

A second hit single for the Korean boy band BTS, who reached number 21 last year with “Idol”… and then dropped straight out of the chart in week two.  The presence of Halsey (not that she has much to do) clearly marks this out as a continued bid for the Anglophone audience.  Then again, so does the disappointingly restrained music.  Still, the parent EP “Map of the Soul – Persona” enters the album chart at number 1 – far beating their previous record of number 14.  But until now they’ve been a fanbase act who don’t sustain interest into a second week.  We’ll see if it’s any different this time round.

“So Am I” by Ava Max climbs 16-14.  “All Day & Night” by Jax Jones, Martin Solveig & Madison Beer climbs 25-22… hold on, when did that enter the chart?  Ah, I missed it last week.  Oops.

22. Jax Jones, Martin Solveig & Madison Beer – “All Day & Night”

There, that’s better.  This is the lead single from a collaborative album between Jax Jones and Martin Solveig (it sounds more like Jones).  The artist credit is confusing, since they seem to be calling the collaboration “Europa”, but they haven’t actually put that name on the single.  Perhaps they’re wary of what happened with Labrinth, Sia and Diplo, whose singles as “LSD” seemed to get lost despite the profile of Sia in particular.  Number 22 makes this Solveig’s biggest hit since “Intoxicated” reached the top 5 in 2015 (which isn’t saying much, since he’s only had one other UK hit single since then).

Making her first appearance on the UK top 40, Madison Beer is an American singer who’s being groomed for an upcoming debut album with the usual raft of guest appearances.  She’s 20, but she’s been releasing singles on and off since being spotted on YouTube in 2013.  Her discography has some really odd stuff like this brand anthem for Mattel’s “Monster High” franchise, and a track called “Pop/Stars” which was released to promote last year’s League of Legends World Championship where she was providing the voice for a member of “augmented reality K-pop group K/DA”.  (In fact, it’s quite a good single, and sold a few copies in unexpected territories last year; it reached number 4 in Hungary.)

“Let Me Down Slowly” by Alec Benjamin climbs 36-31.  And “Pretty Shining People” by George Ezra makes absurdly slow progress, finally reaching number 34 in its fourth week on the top 40.  And… oh, that’s literally it for the singles chart.

On the album chart, I’ve just mentioned BTS being at number one, so we can go straight on to…

4.  The Chemical Brothers – “No Geography”

They haven’t missed number one with a studio album since their debut way back in 1995, but number 4 still isn’t so bad.  They still make fantastic videos, though.   (The other single from this album, “Got To Keep On”, is worth watching as well – stick with it, since it looks fairly dull at first.)

7.  Marty Wilde – “Dreamboats & Petticoats Presents: The Very Best of Marty Wilde”

It’s a greatest hits album, obviously.  The rather odd title refers to the jukebox musical Dreamboats & Petticoats, which is not a Marty Wilde musical, but does feature… um, one of his songs.  Wilde had a string of top ten hits in the late 50s, though his singles chart career ended in 1962.  His biggest hit, reaching number two, is his version of “Teenager In Love” – the one they used in the movie.  His daughter Kim Wilde had a number of hits in the 80s.

9.  Fontaines DC – “Dogrel”

Post-punk from Dublin.  It’s their debut album, and the reviews are excellent.

11.  Emma Bunton – “My Happy Place”

Her first solo album since 2006’s “Life in Mono” (which bombed).  The single is a sixties throwback, not the first time she’s gone for that.

13.  M Huncho – “Utopia”

He’s a masked rapper, and you may recall him as the third-listed guest rapper on the Plug’s number 38 hit “Broken Homes” back in December.  I mean, you probably don’t, but you may.

17.  KSI & Randolph – “New Age”

It’s a collaboration between two rappers with a YouTube following.  KSI has had hits in the past; Randolph hasn’t.

27.  Anderson .Paak – “Ventura”

His fourth album, the first to chart in this country.  Very strong reviews, again.

30.  Band of Skulls – “Love is All You Love”

Their fifth album, and the single’s better than the band name might lead you to expect.  Their previous album missed the top 40 (just – it got to 41) so this is an improvement.  And finally…

31.  David Bowie – “PinUps”

Or “Pin Ups”, or “Pinups”, or “Pin-Ups” – even the official sources and the record’s own sleeve can’t agree on how it’s spelt.  It’s a picture disc reissue for Record Store Day.  This was Bowie’s 1973 covers album; “Sorrow” was the only single taken from the album.  The song was originally a hit for the Merseys in 1966, though it was first recorded as a B-side by the McCoys.