Yes, I’m well aware there’s a review backlog building up, and we’ll get to it, but this is the time-sensitive, takes-less-thought post, so…

1.  Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber – “I Don’t Care”

Seven gripping weeks.  That’s not so much by Ed Sheeran standards – remember “Shape of You” and its 14-week odyssey? – but it’s a record for Bieber.  His previous record was six weeks with “Love Yourself”.  And that was written by Ed Sheeran too.

2.  Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello – “Senorita”
37.  Mark Ronson featuring Camila Cabello – “Find U Again”

There are eight writers credited on this thing, including both the artists, Charli XCX, Benny Blanco, and one of the blokes from Clean Bandit.  Considering that it’s Latin pop by committee, it’s actually got a pleasantly light touch – completely generic, but at least a pretty decent execution of the genre.  It’s Shawn Mendes’s highest position since “Stitches” reached number 1 in 2015, and Cabello’s since “Havana” reached number 1 in 2017.

“Find U Again”, which just missed the top 40 on its release a month ago, rebounds from 54 to 37 to become a minor hit – presumably through the combined effect of Cabello’s bigger hit, and the release of Ronson’s own album “Late Night Feelings”, which enters at 4 – his fourth straight top 5 album, going back to 2007.

“Cross Me” by Ed Sheeran featuring Chance The Rapper and PnB Rock climbs 8-4.

5.  Stormzy – “Crown”

The second single from his upcoming album, and the follow-up to recent number 1 “Vossi Bop” (which is still up there at number 3).  By Stormzy standards, this is one for the Radio 2 crowd, but it’s very good.  It is only the third top 40 single to have the word “Crown” in the title, all of which made the top 10.  I guess that’s slightly interesting?  The other two are “The Crown” by Gary Byrd & The GB Experience (number 6 in 1983), and Fleetwood Mac’s “The Green Manalishi (With the Two-Prong Crown)” (number 10 in 1970).

Nothing else of note in the top 10.  “Wish You Well” by Sigala & Becky Hill climbs 14-11.  That’s just enough to make it Hill’s second-biggest hit, after her lone number one “Gecko (Overdrive)” from 2014.  “Mad Love” by Mabel climbs 16-13.

19.  Jay1 – “Mocking It”

The follow-up to “Your Mrs”, which reached number 18 a couple of months back.  I like this.  Minimal.

20.  Bugzy Malone featuring Aitch – “Kilos”

His second hit, after “MEN II” managed a week at number 34 earlier in the year.  So a step up from that.  As for Aitch, his first hit – a guest appearance on “Strike A Pose” by Young T & Bugsey – is still on the chart at 27.  This is… meh.  Latin sample, not much of interest going on with it.

“Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey climbs 22-21.

25.  Lil Nas X – “Panini”

Well, strike Lil Nas X off the one-hit wonders list.  That was quick – “Old Town Road” is still in the top ten.  This is from his EP “7”, which enters the album chart this week at number 23.  (The term “EP” now seems to have been comprehensively repurposed from “longer than usual single” to “quite a short album.”)  The song is apparently meant to be about how he feels about possessive fans from before he hit it big; “Panini” refers to a character from a show called Chowder that ran on the Cartoon Network a decade ago.  Nirvana have a writing credit on this, on the logic that the chorus melody is the same as “In Bloom”, though Lil Nas X’s interviews seem to suggest he wrote the melody independently (not implausible, it’s pretty simple) and then everyone figured out that they’d probably better license it.

28.  Digga D x Russ Splash – “Mr Sheeen”

Russ Splash is the same guy who had a hit with “Gun Lean”, credited simply as Russ; Digga D had a minor hit with “No Diet” earlier this year.  For the benefit of American readers, “Mr Sheen” is a brand of furniture polish.  Genius’s annotations suggest that the extra E in the title is probably an attempt at legal deniability, and explains that “Digga D provides his usual high-quality wordplay while Russ re-uses his tried and tested flow…”  Better than that makes it sound.

34.  Nicki Minaj – “Megatron”

The days when Nicki Minaj singles could be relied upon for high chart places are comfortably behind us – this is pretty much where her last top 40 single “Barbie Dreams” landed too.  This time round, it’s dancehall and one of the standard samples.

On the album chart, Lewis Capaldi’s “Divinely Uninspired to a Hellish Extent” returns to number one for a fifth week.

2.  Will Young – “Lexicon”

His seventh studio album, all of which have reached either 1 or 2.  So the Pop Idol voters of 2002 knew what they were doing after all, when they opted for him over Gareth Gates.  “Late Night Feelings” by Mark Ronson is number 4, but we mentioned that before.

5.  Two Door Cinema Club – “False Alarm”

That’s their third straight top five album.  The video is, um, well trodden territory.

8.  The Raconteurs – “Help Us Stranger”

Jack White’s other band gets revived, 11 years after their previous album… and lands at exactly the same chart position.

11.  Hot Chip – “A Bath Full of Ecstasy”

This week’s entry in the “gosh, are they still going” file, where bands reside who never impinge on my consciousness except in the week when they release an album every few years or so.  Hot Chip are certainly consistent – since 2010, they’ve released four albums, all of which have placed between 11 and 14.  They still make good videos.

17.  Hollywood Vampires – “Rise”

This is the second album from Hollywood Vampires (the first came out in 2015 and got to number 30), an improbable-sounding side project of Alice Cooper, Johnny Depp and Aerosmith’s Joe Perry.  They’re named after a celebrity drinking club that Cooper formed in the 70s.  Their cover of David Bowie’s “Heroes” is serviceable but basically pointless.

21.  Prince – “Originals”

A rarities and demos album of Prince’s own recordings of songs he wrote for other artists.  “Manic Monday” is best known as a Bangles song, but was actually written for his proteges Apollonia 6; they recorded it, but it didn’t make their album.  And rounding us off for this week, “7” by Lil Nas X is number 23, but we’ve covered that.