Merry Christmas.

1. Wham! – “Last Christmas”

Well, yes, here we go again. It’s the first full week of December and here comes Wham! again. “Last Christmas” only reached number 2 on release in 1984, thanks to Band Aid, but it had a week at number 1 just after Christmas 2020, and two non-consecutive weeks at number 1 last year. It now gets a fourth week at number 1. I believe this is the first time that the same song has been number 1 on four separate occasions, unless you count the multiple versions of “Three Lions” as the same song. It’s a safe bet that this record is going to be sewn up by Christmas records for the future.

Right, then, bring on the tinsel parade.

Let’s start with this week’s climbers, since they’re all Christmas records and it’ll save you wondering whether they’re on the chart already.

• “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey climbs 6-2. It had a week at number 1 last year as well, to go with two (consecutive) weeks at Christmas 2020.
• “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl climbs 18-4. That’s as high as it’s got in the digital era, though it reached number 2 back in 1987. The death of Shane MacGowan hasn’t made much difference to its chart performance, most likely because it’s so popular already at this time of year that there simply isn’t anywhere left to surge.
• “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee climbs 14-6. It reached an all-time peak of 4 last year.
• “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran & Elton John climbs 17-7. It spent three weeks at number 1 in 2021, and got to number 3 last year. Remember, it’s recent enough that it doesn’t get downweighted like the rest of the Christmas back catalogue – it still qualifies for a reset when it has its annual surge.
• “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé climbs 16-8. It reached an all-time peak of 6 last year.
• “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms climbs 20-9. Again, it reached an all-time peak last year, when it got to 7.
• “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande climbs 22-11. That matches its all time peak from 2020. It reached 13 in 2021, and 14 last year.
• “You’re Christmas to Me” by Sam Ryder climbs 23-12. Not bad for an Amazon exclusive, but I guess “only available to people with Amazon Prime” is a pretty low bar.
• “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson climbs 27-13. It reached an all time peak of 12 last year.
• “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams climbs 29-15. It reached 9 in 2021, and 10 last year.
• “Do They Know It’s Christmas” by Band Aid climbs 35-16. It reached the top 10 every year from 2017 to 2020, but just missed out in the last two years.
• “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” by Dean Martin climbs 36-17. That’s a new peak, beating last year’s number 20. Of course, Dean Martin had plenty of other hits in his prime – ten top 10 singles, including a number 1.
• “Stay Another Day” by Jorja Smith climbs 38-26 – another Amazon exclusive.
• “Snowman” by Sia climbs 40-27. That’s a new peak – it got to 28 last year.

And now, this week’s new entries. Can you guess what most of them are about?

19. John & Yoko and the Plastic Ono Band with the Harlem Community Choir – “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”

There’s something commendably perverse about the Lennon estate’s determination that the video for this track on YouTube should be as un-festive and distressing as humanly possible. This reached number 4 on release in 1972, but its peak in the digital era was 18 in 2018. Last year it only got to 24.

20. Taylor Swift – “You’re Losing Me”

Well, if anyone was going to be able to withstand the Christmas tidal wave, it was Taylor Swift. But this isn’t even a proper new release. It’s an unreleased track from her 2022 album “Midnights”, which was made available for purchase-only special editions back in May. It’s now been added to streaming services, and manages to get a top 40 placing even in the current circumstances.

21. Michael Bublé – “Holly Jolly Christmas”

Right, back to the main event. This first charted in 2017, and it’s been back every year since 2019. It’s landed in the mid-20s for the last few years, and its previous peak was number 23 last year.

22. Chris Rea – “Driving Home for Christmas”

Hmm, the minor celebrities video seems to have finally been removed from YouTube, leaving us with this lyric video. We are to be denied Lionel Blair. “Driving Home” reached an all-time peak of number 10 two years ago, but only got to 16 last year.

23. Kelly Clarkson & Ariana Grande – “Santa Can’t You Hear Me”

Huh. I wouldn’t have put money on this sticking around. It’s a single from Kelly Clarkson’s 2021 Christmas album. It made number 37 in 2021, and number 34 last year. This is its highest position by far.

24. Elton John – “Step Into Christmas”

This reached all-time peaks of number 8 in 2019 and 2020, but only got to 11 in 2021, and 18 in 2022. Can it buck the trend this year?

28. Paul McCartney – “Wonderful Christmastime”

Ah, the one track that still gets played from McCartney’s “ooh, what does this button do?” phase. Come on, you cowards, get “Temporary Secretary” into the chart. This reached number 6 on release at Christmas 1979 – when this sounded like The Future. It reached its streaming-era peak of number 17 in both of the last two years.

29. The Ronettes – “Sleigh Ride”

This track charted for the first time in 2019 and reached a peak of 22 last year.

30. Wizzard – “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday”

Originally a number 4 hit in 1973, this reached its streaming peak at number 10 in 2019, but it only managed 12 in 2020, 15 in 2021 and 19 in 2022. Generations in Britain only know Wizzard from this track even though had two number ones in 1973 – “See My Baby Jive” and “Angel Fingers”.

32. José Feliciano – “Feliz Navidad”

A top 40 hit for the first time in 2020, this reached 25 in 2021 and 21 last year. His biggest UK hit remains his version of the Doors’ “Light My Fire”, which reached number 6 in in 1968. For some reason there isn’t even a placeholder video for Feliciano’s original version, which is even more remarkable when you consider that Feliciano was willing to put his name to this:

There’s also a ska version he made with Jools Holland, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere.

35. Leona Lewis – “One More Sleep”

This spent two weeks at number 3 on release in 2013, and it reached its digital era peak at number 8 in 2018. It’s been broadly downhill since then – 15, 21, 20, 25. Excitingly, the video above is the just-released “Director’s Cut.” It’s good to have his vision unsullied at last.

39. Justin Bieber – “Mistletoe”

This reached number 21 in 2011. It’s been back every year since 2018, but its streaming era peak was number 27 in 2019. It usually scrapes the bottom end of the top 30.

40. Slade – “Merry Xmas Everybody”

Ah, they’ve learned their lesson after posting that terrible piece of animation as an “official video” last year; this montage of Top of the Pops footage is now on their YouTube channel. The Christmas number 1 of 1973 has been around almost every year since 2006 but feels like it might be starting to ease its way out of UK public consciousness. Its streaming era peak was number 17 in 2018 and again in 2020, and last year it only got to number 26.

If we screened out all the Christmas records, the top 10 would look like this:

1. Jack Harlow – “Lovin On Me” (number 3)
2. Noah Kahan – “Stick Season” (number 5)
3. Tate McRae – “Greedy” (number 14)
4. Tyla – “Water” (number 18)
5. Taylor Swift – “You’re Losing Me” (number 20)
6. Taylor Swift – “Cruel Summer” (number 25)
7. Dua Lipa – “Houdini” (number 31)
8. Taylor Swift – “Is It Over Now (Taylor’s Version)” (number 33)
9. Chase & Status – “Baddadan” (number 34)
10. Olivia Rodrigo – “Can’t Catch Me Now” (number 36)

And here are the records leaving the top 40 this week, as we purge the heretics.

• “DNA (Loving You)” by Billy Gillies featuring Hannah Boleyn, which peaked at 12 and lasted 11 weeks.
• “Asking” by Sonny Fodera & MK featuring Clementine Douglas, which peaked at 7 and lasted 16 weeks.
• “Exes” by Tate McRae entered at 12 and only lasted two weeks.
• “Strangers” by Kenya Grace was a 3-week number 1 and lasted 13 weeks.
• “On My Love” by Zara Larsson & David Guetta peaked at 21 and lasted 8 weeks.
• “Murdaside” by Mazza L20 peaked at 18 and managed 3 weeks.
• “Now and Then” by the Beatles got a single week at number 1 and lasted 4 weeks.
• “Agora Hills” by Doja Cat lasted nine weeks and peaked at 31
• “Rich Baby Daddy” by Drake featuring Sexyy Red & SZA peaked at 15 and lasted 7 weeks.
• “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves peaked at 19 and managed 11 weeks.
• “Now That We Don’t Talk (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift peaked at number 2 and managed 5 weeks – it gets disqualified this week by the appearances of a fourth Taylor Swift track.
• “Runaway” by Kanye West featuring Pusha T got a single week at 34.
• “Liquor & Cigarettes” by Chase & Status featuring Hedex & ArrDee peaked at 17 and lasted 11 weeks.

Chase & Status still have the longest-running track on the top 40 with “Baddadan”, just clinging in there at number 34. They’ve been here for 19 straight weeks now.

On the album chart, we actually have some vaguely normal releases.

1. Peter Gabriel – “I/O”

This is Peter Gabriel’s third number one album – the others are “Peter Gabriel 3” in 1980 and “So” in 1986. He hasn’t released an original studio album since 2002, although a bunch of minor releases have appeared in the interval. There are two mixes of every track on this album; that’s the concept.

2. Ateez – “The World EP Fin – Will”

K-pop. Their previous EP, “The World EP 2 – Outlaw”, reached number 10 in June. Good to see somehow holding true to the tradition of “Which video treatment do you want to make?” “All of them, please.”

8. Cher – “Christmas”

Optimistically released at the start of November, Cher’s Christmas album finally appears in the album top 40. It’s her 11th top 10 album – her last two releases, in 2013 and 2018, both made the top 5. She’s now aged 77.

31. Soft Cell – “Non Stop Erotic Cabaret”

Reissue. This was released in 1981 and peaked at number 5 in 1982.