We have a new number one, depending on how you define “new”. Plus! For the commenter last week who asked “what the f___ is that ketamine fuelled muppet orgy”, I explain who Zig and Zag were.

1. Chappell Roan – “Pink Pony Club”

Yes, it’s a quiet week and that’s part of it. But this did actually grow in sales/streams this week, and it was over 20% of “Not Like Us” at number 2. Despite 2024 being a breakout year for her, this is her first UK number 1. In fact, her Wikipedia discography only lists one previous number one anywhere in the world – “Good Luck Babe” was a number 1 in Ireland.

“Pink Pony Club” has been out since 2020, which is why she’s so young in the video. To say that this has been a slow burner is putting it mildly. In its first week on release its sales/streams in the UK were equivalent to selling four copies. That’s not a typo. Four. It charted for the first time last September, left the chart in November, and returned to the chart in mid January. It’s spent four weeks just climbing from number 4. The midweeks have it hanging on at number 1 for a second week by a fairly comfortable margin.

15. Sleepy Hallow featuring Doechii – “Anxiety”

He’s a rapper from Brooklyn. This isn’t his first UK hit – a track called “2055” just missed the top 20 in 2021. It’s the first we’ve heard of him since then, though.

This track also goes back a couple of years – it reached number 52 in 2023. The Doechii credit is because it samples her pre-fame, lockdown-era track “Anxiety”…

which in turn samples Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”…

…which in turn samples… well, see for yourself…

The Sleepy Hallow track is here because Doechii’s track went viral on TikTok, but it isn’t actually available on streaming service. The Sleepy Hallow version is as close as you can get. Or rather, it was, because the Doechii version got a proper release this week and is at number 11 on the midweeks.

30. Benson Boone – “Sorry I’m Here for Someone Else”

This is a new song, so presumably it’s the lead single from his next album, though that isn’t being said outright. “Beautiful Things” is currently back up at number 4 (and set to climb), but this is an actual change of pace to a sort of 80s radio pop, and feels like it has a decent shot of climbing – the midweeks have it moving into the 20s.

36. Olivia Dean – “It Isn’t Perfect But It Might Be”

From the soundtrack of Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy. Olivia Dean’s album “Messy” reached number 4 in 2023, but her only previous hit single was a cover of “The Christmas Song” that reached number 19 at Christmas 2021.

38. Ravyn Lenae – “Love Me Not”

Debut hit. She’s from Chicago, and this is a rather nice retro-ish thing. Apparently there’s a verion with Rex Orange County but we won’t trouble ourselves with that. She’s released two well-reviewed albums, neither of which charted in the UK. This is one of the singles from the second one. Deserves to climb.

This week’s other climbers:

• “Ordinary” by Alex Warren climbs 8-3, easily his biggest hit.
• “Revolving Door” by Tate McRae climbs 10-9.

But there are also a slew of re-entries this week: “Nice to Meet You” by Myles Smith at 8 (after the Brits), “Who” by Jimin at number 23 (which behaves so oddly that you have to wonder what on earth is going on with it), “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims (which dipped to 41 last week), “It’s OK I’m OK” by Tate McRae at 35 (because it swaps positions with one of her tracks from last week), and “Burning Down” by Alex Warren, which had also just dipped out of the chart.

That means there are nine tracks leaving the top 40:

• “Sailor Song” by Gigi Perez, a former number 1 with 28 weeks in the top 40 (and a single week’s interruption at Christmas).
• “Call Me When You Break Up” by Selena Gomez, Benny Blanco and Gracie Abrams after a single week at 28 – a surprise flameout.
• “Cry For Me” by The Weeknd after a four week run, peaking at 8.
• “Little Bit Closer” by Sam Fender after a single week at 24.
• “ExtraL” by Jennie featuring Doechii after a single week at 37.
• “Timeless” by The Weeknd & Playboi Carti, which has been around since October (with the usual Christmas interruption) and peaked at 7 twice, months apart.
• “Dirty Cash (Money Talks)” by Pawsa & The Adventures of Stevie V, after nine weeks and a peak of 17.
• “It’s Amazing to be Young” by Fontaines DC, after a single week at 39.
• “I Know Love” by Tate McRae, which gets disqualified after dropping below “It’s OK I’m OK”, after a single week at 25.

On the album charts:

1. Sabrina Carpenter – “Short N’ Sweet”

Her fourth week at number 1, following a performance at the Brit Awards last week.

2. Architects – “The Sky The Earth and All Between”

Their eleventh album. Their chart record is quite bizarre – they first made the album top 40 with album 6, which reached the lower end of the top 20. That remained their standard position until album 9, “For Those That Wish To Exist”, was a number 1 in 2021. And then the album after that reached… number 18. And now they’re back at number 2. Toss a coin, I guess.

3. The Lathums – “Matter Does Not Define”

Their previous two albums made number 1, so this is a slight step down. They rarely stick around long on the chart.

5. Doves – “Constellation for the Lonely”

Their second album since re-forming. The first one, 2020’s “The Universal Want”, was a number 1 (their third). Number 5 is their lowest position for a studio album since 2000’s “Lost Souls”. I can still never quite get my head around the fact that Doves started out as Sub Sub, who sounded like this.

7. Bradley Simpson – “The Panic Years”

He’s the lead singer of the Vamps. This is his first solo album.

11. Oasis – “Standing on the Shoulder of Giants”

25th anniversary reissue. It was number 1 on release in 2000, with a huge first week sale, though it didn’t have the staying power you might expect – it only spent three weeks in the top 10.

16. Lola Young – “This Wasn’t Meant for You Anyway”

Featuring “Messy”, obviously. It’s her second album, but the first one (“My Mind Wanders and Sometimes Leaves Completely”) missed the top 100 altogether upon release in 2023.

20. Lisa – “Alter Ego”

Her debut solo album. One of the singles charted: “Born Again”, which reached number 13. To be honest, the presence of Doja Cat and Raye on that track probably helped, because there were four other singles which missed the top 40.

Now… Since I threw this in without context last week, and someone asked, I may as well explain what it is:

Number 5 at Christmas 1994. What the hell is it, though?

Well, they’re puppet aliens, obviously. They started in 1987 on Irish children’s TV but by the mid-90s they’d secured a slot on Channel 4’s The Big Breakfast, a zoo format breakfast show where they’d talk to presenter Chris Evans and interview celebrities. Zag is a wannabe alpha male, Zig is a simpleton. Somewhere in there, a plot thread developed about Zag becoming obsessed with ragga, which ultimately led to this record.

It’s a parody of “I Like to Move It by Reel II Real, which had been a top 5 hit earlier in the year. Except “Them Girls Them Girls” was produced by Erick Morillo, and he was Reel II Real. What’s more, if you look past the video, the song itself is a completely deadpan parody: aside from a couple of passing mentions of Zag being an alien, the lyrics are simply a string of genre cliches which are made absurd just by having Zag deliver them with total lack of self-awareness. (“Me have a lot of loving. Me am a rich man.”) Granted, it’s a product of 90s irony, and from the standpoint of 2025 you might raise an eyebrow at the Irish guy doing a Jamaican accent, even though it is specifically a musical parody. But it’s a cleverer record than it first looks.

The little-known B-side, which is a more conventional comedy track, gives Zig more to do, and it’s a better idea of the typical Zig and Zag routine. It absolutely delivers on its opening promise: “the sensational sound of country and ragga”.