Aug 12
Hiatus (2)
Posted on Sunday, August 12, 2012 by Paul in Uncategorized
Just a reminder that we’re still on a break, and I’m speaking to you through the wonder of time-delayed posting. Normal service will be resumed shortly.
Just a reminder that we’re still on a break, and I’m speaking to you through the wonder of time-delayed posting. Normal service will be resumed shortly.
-deep breath-
MORE READER REVIEWS, GO!!!
I’m currently reading spiderman essentials. Who wants a review of an old spiderman issue??
X-MEN LEGACY #271
Again, I find myself buying a comic I don’t really want just to review it here. This must be what Paul feels like every single week. But I’ve been pretty lucky, at least my random purchases have been good reads. I could admire the quality of Astonishing X-Men even though it was like trying to make sense of Pulp Fiction after seeing the middle 15 minutes only. And this title is pretty good too. I’ve read a few issues of Legacy previously, but it was always a bit too interested in exploring feelings for my taste. But the comic itself is pretty good, and this issue is in that vein.
Anyway, page one, panel one of this issue is Rogue falling out of the sky on an alien world. Bang, out of that dreary crossover, instantly making it a valid choice of purchase for muggins. The story then progresses as a setup for whatever is coming next. We’re introduced to the Klingon-types who are the good guys, and shown the Borg-types who are the bad guys. Or Sontarans and Cybermen if you prefer. But really they look more like orks and tyranids, a little bit, and they’re iron age technology. The two groups are at war. Rogue falls in with the Klingons, and agrees to fight for them. At the end of the issue, the fighting begins in earnest and things look dire for our plucky heroine.
A few things I pondered on reading this:
Rogue magically picks up the alien language, possibly by accidentally absorbing the memories of a Klingon. I don’t think she’s ever been able to do this before, but never mind. What I’m wondering is this. My first name’s from the Hebrew language and my second is English, and both mean specific things. Most names are like this, and some are more specific and modern than others. Now surely anyone who magically learns Earth languages will hear the name’s meaning, rather than the name itself, right? Now maybe “Chahr” (the Klingon’s name) is from another language that Chahr doesn’t speak, just as “Simon” is for me, so it wouldn’t make a difference, but you get where I’m going, right? It must be hell for Doug Ramsay every time he’s introduced to someone new.
A plot point of this issue is that Rogue has absorbed Ms Marvel’s powers, and her main concern is conserving them, because the more she uses them the sooner they’ll run out, and she doesn’t know how much juice she has left. Which is a pretty neat limitation for her powers. However, Ms/Captain Marvel is super strong and invulnerable. They’re passive powers, they’re on all the time. In fact Rogue is saved at least once by this fact. So shouldn’t the juice run out really quickly whether she floats around or not?
On a related note, for years she had Ms Marvel’s stolen powers. It wasn’t a happy time for her, but she sure did take advantage of her strength and flight. Now even if she isn’t wracked with guilt or having violent flashbacks, shouldn’t she at least be remarking on how it feels to have this specific power set back? Like driving a sportscar you used to own as a teenager, before trading it in for a family-friendly van. Maybe this was covered last issue, but such a thing would be huge for her, the thought should at least cross her mind.
And on to alien anatomy. At one point there’s a bit about some food being poison and others being healthy. Yeah, to giant blue ork-looking dudes. To a human it’s probably all like noshing on asbestos. Granted it’s a mainstay of sci-fi fantasy that everyone has the same plumbing, but Rogue also mentions her relief that she can breathe the air, so it shouldn’t be a given. Really the scene could have been written without mentioning food at all. Also, Rogue compliments the impressive penii of the Klingons (in a clever reversal of the classic male hero being rewarded with a harem). Again, sci-fi conventions, but it would be nice if she exclaimed “What the hell are those things? How do they even work?”, like somebody trying to plug their hairdryer in at the hotel on a European holiday (but, I suppose, the opposite way around, when you think about it).
And on that subject, Rogue is drawn and written a lot younger than back when I first discovered X-Men. I like this version better. But it struck me that the old, Claremontian Rogue would have been hollering and saying “yum” before calling a teammate a prude for turning them all away. Yeah, I definitely prefer this version, shocked peeking through her fingers.
Finally, in all I liked this comic. It’s nicely straightforward, and a good jumping-on point because it’s on a whole new world. It has adventure, mystery, humour and a good old-fashioned cliffhanger ending. Well worth the three US dollars, but not quite good enough for me to keep buying the title once the real reviewers come back online.
That was rather longer than I realised …
Good read, though.
As a Doctor Who fan, the translation thing is something I’ve actually thought about.
I think the usual dodge is that Magic Translator Microbes (from Doug’s powers to the TARDIS telepathic circuits) work on what the person speaking meant rather than the literal meaning of the word. So if I were to say “This is Simon”, I intend “Simon” to mean “Simon, the name used by this person”, not “One who hears”, and the translator microbes would leave it alone as a name.
On the other hand, if aliens have clearly descriptive names in their own languages (such as Ringworld‘s Speaker-To-Animals), the literal meaning probably would be upwards in their mind as they say it, so we get a translation. Archaic words as names probably count as the former (nobody says “Tommy Cooper” with a vague feeling he ought to be making barrels), allowing for stories where the alien says “In my language, my name means…”
(You can have some fun with this as well; IIRC, in The Tomorrow People the telepathic translation of any alien word which meant “my home planet” came out as “Earth”, unless the telepath themself knew a different name for it.)
“If you are reading this message, it means that I am dead, or married.”
@Si, that’s a great review and i would suggest you do it more often (for the titles you regularly read ofcourse). However, this issue isn’t supposed to be a jumping on point as it’s the middle chapter of a very different storyline that has either been dropped or put on hold. Personally i can’t really judge the issue for itself because for someone who has read the previous issues, it feels like we’re missing something. I don’t disagree with you in any way, I just didn’t have the same experience as you.
@Daibhid: I kind of thought I was the only person who remembered the Tomorrow People (although i only watched the 1992 series and not the original, i don’t remember something like this happening in the series i watched)
Leo: Don’t expect too many reviews from me. I don’t buy too many comics, and when I do it’s often days or weeks after they were actually released. So I’m not planning on stepping on Paul’s toes any time soon 🙂
You made an interesting comment. The issue may actually work a lot better for a newbie like me than for a regular reader like yourself. For you, the train was suddenly derailed just when you were expecting to see what comes next, while I’m left able to enjoy the new direction in of itself.
@Si: I love the idea of Doug Ramsey hearing proper nouns as translations. Like, he has no idea that Piotr Rasputin, Pietro Maximoff, and Pete Wisdom all go by different first names, becuase he hears it all as “Rock” anyway (and he’s always assumed Dwayne Johnson’s wrestling name was “Peter” because he hears “The Rock” but he knows no one actually calls themselves that).
@Leo: Yeah, this was the seventies series (which I’m not quite old enough to remember, but my school library had novelisations next to the Doctor Who ones.)
I suppose Joe Kubert will have to be mentioned when the podcast comes back. Al and Paul always sound so uncomfortable doing an obituary.
“If you are reading this message, it means that I am dead, or married.”
I think that should read:
“If you are reading this message, I am dead, either legally or socially.”
These reviews just aren’t the same without an occasional “with all the good will in the world,” or “having said that…”
Re The Tomorrow People, I always remember the “bubbleskin jumpsuits” story. Creepy and kinky!
Speaking of Kubert’s passing, how about DC’s original remembrance that was basically an advert for Before Watchmen: Nite Owl?
There needs to be a HTA contest where we guess just how many books Paul will have waiting for him in the post once he gets his mail.
One of the things I like least about Paul’s reviews is also something I respect him greatly for.
No matter how bad the creators on a book are, he always gives every new story arc the benefit of the doubt with the first issue, with the willingness to accept the creators could end up publishing a great story when it’s eventually complete.
This frustrates me, because all evidence would point to typically bad creators producing another typically bad story, but I can’t fault Paul for keeping an open mind.
Here’s my review of Avengers 29
(It should go without saying that this contains SPOILERS but since the issue has a twist ending that’s going to pretty much be the focus of my comments, I feel like I should put in a warning anyway)
So not that long ago I mentioned the idea of a list of the top retcons that prove Professor X is a bad person (I don’t remember when exactly, but trust me, I did). I think we may have a new record for fastest retcon.
The issue starts with a note telling us that it takes place concurrently with Wolverine and the X-Men 12 and before AvX 8, which pretty much tells you how much the events of the issue will affect the crossover (here’s a hint: AvX 10 came out this week).
So the Avengers have a brainstorming session in the M.C. Escher Memorial Meeting Room room of a building with a giant Thundercats logo on it and Spider-Woman’s butt enters, apologizing for barging in rather than, like, just having been at the meeting in the first place.
Jessica suggests that the reason the X-Men are beating the Avengers is that the X-Men have telepaths. Wolverine confirms that the X-Men have two “big” telepaths: Emma Frost and Rachel Summers. Wolverine apparently does not consider Psylocke, the Stepford Cuckoos or the other four (at the time of this issue) Pheonix-powered X-Men “big.” Nor does he respect Rachel’s preference for being called “Rachel Grey” now. So the Avengers decide to go after Rachel (Emma being too powerful … which sort of makes taking Rachel out pointless, but the Avengers are kind of low on ideas. Duke Nukem in Hawkeye’s new uniform confirms that going after Emma is pointless because he’s hit on her four times and been shot down … I guess the Avengers and X-Men were having lots of mixers that we didn’t know about in the brief span of time that Hawkeye and Emma were both alive and on the same side).
(I apologize for making jokes about the art when plenty of people probably haven’t seen the issue and don’t know what I’m talking about – trust me, just picture the room and the butt and Duke Nukem the way I described them and you’re probably pretty accurate)
So the Avengers decide they need a telepath on their side. They reject the idea of trying to call Moondragon because Hawkeye hit on her too and it would be awkward. I’m not joking. Iron-Man calls up a list of all the telepaths they could think of (which for some reason includes Dani Moonstar) and Cap reluctantly says he’ll make a call. This pisses Wolverine off for reasons that will remain unclear even after we’ve found out who Cap is going to call later in the issue. Spoiler: It’s Professor X.
So, the Avengers set up a trap to draw out Rachel and the X-Men realize it’s a trap and come in force, and, long(er) story short(er), we get the big fight between the X-Men and the Avengers in the Spaceship Graveyard from WatXM 12, except we start out following the Avengers instead of the X-Men, and remember that part where Rachel almost caught Hope and Black Widow but decided to let them go? Yeah, turns out that was actually Professor X mentally disguised as Hope. And Rachel was totally going to capture her/him, but fights Xavier instead. But before you can say “continuity error” we actually get an explanation for the discrepancy.
See, Xavier decides he doesn’t really want to fight and puts everyone to sleep telepathically. Everyone, including the Avengers. Except Spider-Woman, who has mental shields unlike Thor and Rachel and Phoenix-powered Namor. (That’s right he dropped Pheonix-powered Namor with a wave of his hand.) But Xavier needs someone to explain his next move to, and Jessica was the instigator of the whole magilla so there’s, like, thematic resonance in it being her.
Xavier’s next move? Well, seems his heart’s not really in it and he can’t bring himself to fight his own students (not until the next issue of AvX at least) so he just takes off, and rewrites everyone’s memories so they don’t remember him being there (and presumably do remember things going the way they did in WatXM 12 – that’s right, we were seeing their flawed memories).
So in other words: XAVIER COULD HAVE SAVED WAKANDA. But since he couldn’t be bothered to capitalize on the fact that he’d dropped Namor like a bad habit, well, c’est la vie.
“No matter how bad the creators on a book are, he always gives every new story arc the benefit of the doubt with the first issue, with the willingness to accept the creators could end up publishing a great story when it’s eventually complete.”
I don’t think he expected it from Chuck Austen.
I haven’t read anything recently, so instead of a comic, I’m going to review Chris Claremont’s brain.
It’s no secret that Claremont has a fondness for characters with manipulative powers. Paul has often reminded us of this, but did you know what Claremont’s second favorite type of super-power is?
Teleportation. I didn’t ask him personally (he hung up the phone after I asked him if I could review his brain), but it’s gotta be teleportation. Gotta be. Look at his record. He’s created the following characters for Marvel, all of whom have teleportation powers:
Lila Cheney, Widget, Gateway, Slipstream, Hub (from the Excalibur series that took place in Genosha) and while he didn’t technically create Illyana Rasputin, he established her as a mutant teleporter. That’s six right there. He might have created even more teleporters if he didn’t have Nightcrawler on hand for most of the time.
Now, I passed on Sovereign Seven back when he was writing that for DC, but once I realized he really loved both mind-control and teleportation, I just had to go look those characters up, and guess what? The team leader is a teleporter and the next character listed is a telepath. Go figure.
What does this all mean? Nothing. It’s not even very interesting and it doesn’t say much about Claremont’s brain either, but I can’t think of anything else to write.
Here’s a preview of Avengers 29:
http://www.newsarama.com/php/multimedia/album.php?gid=4427
ZZZ’s descriptions were more accurate than I had expected.
Quick reviews (spoilers):
UNCANNY X-FORCE #28: Well, that was a bit of an anticlimax. I LOVED last issue and felt it was a return to form (X-Force gets transported to a peaceful-yet-fascist future where their future selves are ruling through Precrime, Minority Report style, future Psylocke is the head honcho, so current Psylocke commits seppuku to stop it).
Yet this issue is mainly just tidying it up and sending the heroes back. There’s a small chase scene, they capture Betsy, heal her up, the future guys talk with our current heroes and send them on their way. Okay. There’s some good dialogue moments here, and the future remains interesting since it’s still apparently the future, but I would’ve vastly preferred to have X-Force spending their time here instead of back with the New Brotherhood of Random Evil or whatever that bogged down the last few issues.
Also, Wolverine/Psylocke? I have trouble seeing that one, even if the characters have obviously changed over the years. I’m still optimistic to see what’s coming up, though.
AVENGERS VS X-MEN #10: If anyone wasn’t sure yet, this book has quite obviously reached trainwreck status. Sadly, it’s not quite as hilarious a trainwreck as say, Ultimatum, but this issue nudges it in that direction. Short synopsis: Cyclops drops in on the Avengers to bring Hope back, Hope absorbs the power of a dragon and punches Cyclops so hard he wakes up on the moon. Oh, and Emma has gone pretty much completely off the deep side and is making mutants bow to her.
Yeah, this is pretty awful, and the lackluster art doesn’t help any. The fight scenes are pretty tedious at this point, and right now I’ll be disappointed if the arc ends with anything other than Magneto killing Emma like “he” killed Jean in New X-Men #150, followed by Cyclops getting de-powered, and agreeing with the Avengers that the Phoenix force is silly and should be destroyed from the pages of the Marvel Universe forever.
(In other words, I’m going to be disappointed)
ZZZ posted: “Iron-Man calls up a list of all the telepaths they could think of (which for some reason includes Dani Moonstar)”
You think that’s bad? How about the fact that ANGEL of all people is on the list?
Reading that preview though, the rest of your review is spot on. Thundercats logo, Spider-Woman’s butt, Duke Nukem… wow.
omg, wtf happened to Walt Simonson? this is almost as disappointing as what happened to Paul Smith
Review of Avengers Vs. X-Men Round 10
AVX #10 begins in the mystical city of K’un Lun. At this point, three of the Phoenix five have fallen and Marvel Editorial informs us by way of caption, that issue 10 marks the begining of the end.
Most of the issue is taken up by Cyclops’ attempts to “rescue” Hope from the Avengers. The main subplot of the issue involves Emma’s descent to the dark side and the fact that Magneto and Xavier have now firmly resolved to stop the Phoenix two.
I guess the problem with the issue is that it’s rather predictable and the characterisation of both Cyclops and Emma lacks depth.
Cyclops battles all of the big name Avengers in K’un Lun. The fights aren’t all that interesting because they’re mostly used to show how powerful Cyclops has become. Iron Man, Thor, Thing, Iron Fist and Hawkeye are all easily disposed of and for emphasis, he takes out the Scarlet Witch and the dragonspirit of K’un Lun.
If you’ve ever watched an episode of Captain Planet, you know what comes next; Hope combines the powers of Cyclops previously defeated opponents and sends Cyclops to the moon.
Throughout his battles, Cyclops characterisation is a problem. At times, he is depicted as both indifferent and hot-headed. He makes the kind of silly quips and villainous pronouncements that would be out of character in any form. He reacts to injury with shock. Given the events of Uncanny X-Men, this really shouldn’t be such a surprise. He, and the rest of the Phoenix 5, have already sustained injuries during their adventures.
His attitude to Hope is equally confusing. He has gone from telling Hope that she can leave Utopia at any time, to wanting her to stay away from the Avengers, to telling Hope to come face her destiny, to demanding that the Avengers give him the girl. So why does Cyclops want Hope? And why doesn’t he just teleport her home when he sees her?
Brubaker’s depiction of Hope is equally problematic. At times, she appear naieve. Take for example the line “Oh my God, I absorbed the dragon. How did I do that?”. Okay, so it’s not Shakespeare, but what makes it just a little bit ridiculous is the fact that duplicating powers is Hope’s power. She’s been doing it for years. It shouldn’t shock her. She shouldn’t need to ask “What did I just do?”.
To be fair to Brubaker & Kubert, Hope has been characterised in different ways across various titles, but at times she comes across as a frightened young teenager, and not the teamleader who was raised by Cable in a post apocalyptic where running for her life was a daily occurrence.
In some respects, Hope seems to be playing the role that Layla Miller played in House of M. She’s the Deus Ex Machina that will fix the unfixable. If Cyclops powerlevel is infinity, then Hope’s is infinity plus one.
As for Emma, well poor Emma has been treated rather badly for some time now. At some point, she stopped being the joint-leader of the X-Men and became Cyclop’s love interest. Throughout the crossover, she has been depicted as open to corruption. Her kiss with Namor hammered home the fact that, as far as this story is concerned, she is weak. In this issue, we see that she has become a tyrant who polices the thoughts of her followers. She becomes a greedy demi-god who demands worship above all else. We can only help that there is a twist left in her tale.
NEW MUTANTS #47 – FIGHT THE FUTURE part 1 of 3
First up, welcome back Paul.
New Mutants is actually a comic I have been reading lately, so I have perspective on this issue. And right off the bat I’ll point out that since the comic is cancelled with issue 50, maybe they lose the fight.
Fight the Future is a sequel of sorts to the three-part storyline that came immediately before it. I’m not sure how much sense it would make if you hadn’t read that one, but it might be fine.
It’s quite hard to review this one because there’s a major plot twist that happens quite early and I really don’t want to spoil it. I can happily talk about the first few pages though. It starts off with the team, plus Blink who seems to have attached herself more permanently to the tem at this point with no official notice, kicking back and having a bit of a reunion dinner with Cannonball and Karma. The modern ones, not the future meat puppets from the previous storyline. They’re acting very much on-key as a bunch of wild young adults out to have fun and who don’t care if they create a scene. I never hung around with a robot and a purple elf, but I can still relate. And with that, I’ve said about all I can about the plot. Yeah, the twist is done well.
I can talk about the art, which does nothing at all for me. I’ve never liked the scratchy look, and this art seems rushed on top of that. As some of the dialogue is also really off-key I assume some kind of deadline crisis occurred. Pity. The cover art is brilliant though. It looks like part of a panel so when the next two issues come out you can put them side by side and see the full diorama. Unless you buy your comics digitally like I do. Actually scratch that, the Next Issue page shows a painting of the Hellions, so maybe the artist just wanted to draw half a Sunspot.
And finally, I want to talk about Warlock. Way back in the 80s, Warlock could make himself look just like a person. In the 90s, he in fact went about shaped like a person (albeit one possibly made of yellow lego) all the time. His speech patterns were pretty near normal too. But now he’s always drawn like a cartoon character, reduced to wearing a hoodie in public. Which considering he glows and his head is often five or six times the size of a human one, is a bit of a wasted effort. Beside the fact that nobody seems able to draw a decent look for him, I’ve never really liked the cartoony appearance. Actually, Beast is in this issue too, but he doesn’t look like any of the versions of beast drawn by the many artists who’ve had a go over the last few years. Is it so hard to set an official character model and force artists to refer to that?
That said, with all the good will in the world (hi Mike!) I’m slightly disappointed by this issue. It’s not horrible, but it’s not great either. The writing is strong enough for what it is, except for the odd bit of dialogue, but not enough happens and I really can’t enjoy the art.
My last review!
WARNING: Don’t look at the picture of Cyclops on the first splash page of AVX #10. Don’t try to see the stripey portions of his costume as bare skin being illuminated by the Phoenix power. Don’t consider that he might be wearing a tiny red thong. Because if you do, you will see it every time you look at him.
Too late.
Because NO ONE demanded it!!!!! The amazing Spiderman #10 (as per essential spiderman vol. 1)
Frankly, I love this story. It’s purely the kind of thing that modern audiences won’t accept, and to be honest, it was probably pretty campy back in the day. Let’s take the cover for example, which exclaims: “Never has anyone fought such merciless foes as… THE ENFORCES!”
Who are these mighty enforcers, you may or may not be asking? We have a big dude calling himself Ox, who is just very much a generic strong guy, which you may well expect from a guy who calls himself Ox. We have another guy calling himself Montana, who is just some bloke with a lasso. Next up we have Fancy Dan, who is just a little bloke who knows Judo. Entitled to wear the coveted black belt, so the script says. I don’t know if you are aware of them term McDojo, but I assure they are real things, and black belts aren’t that coveted.
They are led by a guy calling himself The Big Man. What a great name for a villainous mastermind. The mystery of the identity of the Big Man is a plot point brought up on the opening splash page, and the reveal turns out to be a supporting character who was introduced in the same issue. That doesn’t really work.
What does work, however, is the sheer… Really, I can’t think of an appropriate descriptive word for the plot. It’s fantastic. The big man plans a caper to have a henchman steals some jewels. (Jewel thievery really fell by the wayside when it came to villainy, didn’t it). As our hero swings into action the thief gets away by means of cable wrapped around him. The other end of the cable is attached to a helicopter hidden in some clouds. The whole point of this is to make a fool out of spiderman so that the big man can take over organized crime in the city.
When when Aunt May’s health takes a turn for the worse, Peter must sit out of action for a bit and a crime wave explodes thanks to the big man’s leadership. Of course, this being an older comic, Peter sits out of action for 9 panels, and the crime wave lasts for 7, which kind of makes this the exact opposite of something Bendis would write.
There is one particular panel that I want to discuss, though. The dialog box informs tells us that by “pooling their financial resources, they city’s criminals spare no expense in battling law and order. Complete with random dialog like “it’s unbelievable! They’re lifting the entire mail car into the air by means of three helicopters!” and another saying “no one seems to know where, or how, they’ll strike next!”
This gets accompanied by a image of three helicopters stealing a train car. It’s amazing. You just don’t see anything like that anymore. There is no utter purpose for this individual panel. It never comes back to mean anything to the plot. They just steal a mail car. It’s really, really mind blowing. It makes me imagine what the Adam West batman show could have achieved with a bigger budget. Camp as hell. I had a very serious laugh out loud moment when I saw it. It’s one panel. Of crooks in helicopters stealing a mail car. What was in it? The logistics of having three helicopters fly in unison, to steal mail, is mind boggling. They had to be experienced helicopter pilots. Where did they take it? What did they do with it?
Sure in the end spiderman beats them up and saves the day, and J Jonah Jameson is hating on spiderma and running slandering newspaper articles about him, but really, who cares anymore? Why did they steal a fucking mail car???
Marvel, you could get a miniseries out of this now, surely.
By the by, I’m reading the acts of vengeance omnibus at the moment, so I’ll review that when I’m done. Going to try and power through it this weekend.
I’m enjoying these reviews, but I think it proper that they stop when Paul’s official X-Axis review comes out. So there’s a deadline to inspire you, Matt!
It looks like Paul’s back, so it may not happen. This is a pretty hefty comic, but I agree, assistant editors month will be over when Paul resumes business as normal.
Hahaha, that’s a great name for it!