From the look of it, we’re now in the holding pattern where it’s too near to Christmas for anyone to bother releasing big singles, but the Christmas takeover hasn’t hit yet. Which means…

1. Taylor Swift – “Anti-Hero”

Five weeks. The previous number 1, “Unholy” by Sam Smith & Kim Petras, spends its fifth week at number 2. You get the idea. The only new record in the top 10 is…

9. Clavish featuring D-Block Europe – “Rocket Science”

This is the debut hit for North London rapper Clavish, though he’s placed a few tracks in the lower reaches of the top 75. Obviously having D-Block Europe on the track helps, but it’s not as if they routinely get into the top 10 either – in fact, their only previous top 10 hit was “Overseas”, which reached number 6 last year. It’s familiar musical territory if you’re heard DBE before, but it’s one of the good ones.

20. David Baddiel, Frank Skinner & The Lightning Seeds – “3 Lions”

Do I have enough non-UK readers to need to explain what this is? Let’s assume I do. The official single for the England team in the Euro 96 tournament was number 1 for two weeks on release, spent three weeks at number 1 in 1998 in a revised version for the World Cup, and continues to resurface every time there’s a major football tournament. In 2014, it even managed another week at number 1. It’s back now because of the World Cup. Baddiel and Skinner are comedians who, at the time, were hosting the Fantasy Football show on BBC2.

There is a 2022 version available, rather bizarrely pitched as a Christmas single, but it’s not officially listed as the lead version on the chart. It probably shouldn’t be, since it’s not really a 2022 update of “3 Lions” so much as a joke about how “3 Lions” has been beaten into the ground by now. (“Three Lions on a sleigh / Jules Rimet still gleaming / A football Christmas song / Not at all demeaning.”)

It has a video designed to rub in just how much time has passed.

23. Wham! – “Last Christmas”

The second of our perennial Christmas visitors, with Mariah Carey already entering last week. “Last Christmas” spent five weeks at number 2 in 1984, locked behind Band Aid. It’s charted most years since 2007, and reached number 1 in the post-Christmas week in 2020.

31. Raye featuring 070 Shake – “Escapism”

Well, that’s brilliant. It really is. Do watch it. What the hell is it doing being released at the tail end of November? Trying to take advantage of a dead week, maybe? Trying to position itself for the quiet period after Christmas?

Raye hasn’t had a top 40 hit since appearing on D-Block Europe’s “Ferrari Horses” last year – one of her own singles and another three guest appearances have all missed the chart since then. I must admit I have her mentally filed as a random guest singer, but this track is very good indeed.

New Jersey rapper 070 Shake gets her debut hit.

35. Meekz & Dave – “Fresh Out the Bank”

This is a track from Meekz’ album “Respect the Come Up”, which enters the album chart at 12. It’s the one with the big name guest star, of course. Meekz gets his first top 40 single here, though his previous album, 2020’s “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop”, got to 32 on the album chart.

40. Ed Sheeran & Elton John – “Merry Christmas”

If you were thinking that the Christmas swamp might at least result in a top 40 without any Ed Sheeran singles in it, think again. Also, “Celestial” is still at number 17.

This week’s climbers:

• “Made You Look” by Meghan Trainor climbs 4-3.
• “Psycho” by Anne-Marie & Aitch climbs 7-6.
• “Out of Nowhere” by Bugzy Malone & TeeDee climbs 18-13, which is a pleasant surprise.
• “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey climbs 36-18. The march on number 1 is underway.
• “Alone” by Burna Boy climbs 32-28.
• “Golden Hour” by JVKE climbs 40-36.
• “Mockingbird” by Eminem, which re-entered at 38 last week, surprisingly fails to vanish, and instead edges up to 37.

Six records leave the top 40:

• “As It Was” by Harry Styles, which spent ten weeks at number 1 between April and June, lasted a total of 18 weeks in the top 10, and finally throws in the towel after a 33 week run in the top 40.
• “Bad Habit” by Steve Lacy, which peaked at 8.
• “Major Distribution” by Drake & 21 Savage, which reached 5, but it was only ever an album track.
• “10:35” by Tiësto & Tate McRae after a single week at number 39.
• “Glimpse of Us” by Joji, which scraped back into the top 40 as a spillover from the album release.
• “Miss You” by Southstar, which peaked at number 23 but has been defeated by the Robin Schulz clone version, currently at 4.

On the album chart…

1. Dermot Kennedy – “Sonder”

His second number 1 album. The single “Kiss Me” reached number 15.

4. André Rieu & the Johann Strauss Orchestra – “Silver Bells”

This, of course, is a Christmas album from the gleefully absurd purveyor of stadium orchestral kitsch, whose complete lack of interest in credibility is perversely admirable in its way. There are no videos on his YouTube channel of tracks from this album, but he has just posted this unique interpretation of “Mary’s Boy Child”.

6. Queen – “The Miracle”

Anniversary… oh hold on, no, it came out 33 years ago. It’s just a box set reissue, then. This album reached number 1 for a single week on its release in 1989, interrupting the four-week reign of a Jason Donovan album.

8. Nickelback – “Get Rollin'”

God, they’ve reached the stage of their career when they’re writing “remember when” songs. Click like if you remember Spangles. Anyway, it’s been five years since the last Nickelback album. That one got to number 3, but a top 10 position is still good by their standards.

12. Meekz – “Respect the Come Up”

We’ve covered the single already.

17. Disturbed – “Divisive”

That’s not a subtle song, but I do quite like the video, against my better judgment. Apparently these are all AI-generated images, though from the look of it the AI was given some pretty specific material to work with. The last three Disturbed studio albums all made the top 10, so this is a significant drop.

18. Michael Jackson – “Thriller”

40th anniversary reissue. Being the best selling album in history at the time of its release, “Thriller” had eight weeks at number 1, but more to the point, it spent more than a year in the top 10.

20. David Bowie – “Moonage Daydream – Original Soundtrack”

Moonage Daydream is a documentary about Bowie’s life; the soundtrack consists of a mixture of rarities and remixes.

27. Weyes Blood – “And in the Darkness Hearts Aglow”

Weyes Blood is songwriter Natalie Mering; she’s been active since 2003 and this is her fifth studio album, but the first to chart in this country.

40. Dolly Parton – “Diamonds & Rhinestones – Greatest Hits”

Exactly what it sounds like. Dolly Parton only ever had two hit singles in the UK, both of which reached number 7 – “Jolene” from 1976 and “Islands in the Stream” from 1983. “9 to 5”, despite being very well known, only actually got to number 47.