Oh, come on.

1. Alex Warren – “Ordinary” 

Alex Warren returns to number one for a thirteenth week, beating Sabrina Carpenter into second place by a comfortable 10% margin. There’s a big gap between those two and the number 3 single, but… no, more Alex Warren. Fortunately, next week he will finally get hit with the downweighting rule, and that will get rid of him for good. From the number 1 spot, anyway.

We have to go a long way down to find any new entries:

30. J-Hope featuring GloRilla – “Killin’ It Girl”

This is another BTS single, nicely timed to fit with the band returning from military service. J-Hope has been out for a few months already. It’s only his second solo top 40 appearance – the other was a single with J Cole that reached number 37 in 2023. God, the vocal processing on this is annoying.

GloRilla has had a few hits in America before, but for whatever reason, this is the first time she’s appeared in the top 75 UK singles, even as a guest. She’s never made the album chart either.

33. Twenty One Pilots – “The Contract”

This is the lead single from their upcoming album. It’s their fourth top 40 hit – the previous album also got its lead single into the 30s, and “Stressed Out” and “Heathens” were rather bigger hits in 2016. The track is perfectly alright, but feels rather familiar.

34. Mark Ronson & Raye – “Suzanne”

Well, what did you think a Mark Ronson & Raye single was going to sound like? Considering that this is a track commissioned by luxury watchmakers Audemars Piguet, it’s remarkably not-phoned-in. We haven’t had a Mark Ronson credit on a top 40 single since 2019, when he released “Find U Again” with Camila Cabello.

35. The Black Eyed Peas – “Rock That Body”

Oh, thanks, TikTok. Well, at least it’s one of the better Black Eyed Peas singles, which is admittedly grading on a curve. This reached number 11 in 2010, which is towards the end of their active period – they were having top 40 hits from 2001 to 2011.

37. Disco Lines & Tinashe – “No Broke Boys”

Disco Lines is a DJ from Colorado, and this is his first UK hit. It’s a dance remix of a Tinashe single from last year. She’s had two previous UK hits, both as guest, and both quite a while ago: “All My Friends” by Snakehips reached number 5 in 2015, and she was on Tinie Tempah’s “Text From Your Ex”, which got to number 23 in 2017. Here’s the original.

They’re both pretty good tracks, to be honest, and the Disco Lines version does actually do something new with it. The original has, um, the sort of video that UK dance singles used to have in the 2000s. Though with better dancers.

40. Coldplay – “Sparks”

Another one from TikTok – this is a track from their debut album back in 2000. It’s not been here before, though, so it counts as a new entry, bringing their total of top 40 hits to 30.

This week’s climbers:

• “Dior” by MK featuring Chrystal climbs 17-5, so both Chrystal’s hits are now top 10. I still hate it.
• “Nice to Each Other” by Olivia Dean climbs 18-16.
• “One Thing” by Lola Young climbs 19-18.
• “The Glen” by Levi Heron climbs 26-24.

The six tracks leaving the top 40 are:

• “That’s So True” by Gracie Abrams, which re-entered at 37 last week.
• “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims, which re-entered at 40 last week.
• “What I Want” by Morgan Wallen & Tate McRae, after a four week run peaking at 30.
• “Gold” by Myles Smith, which entered at 32 and lasted three weeks.
• “Good Luck Babe” by Chappell Roan, which re-entered at 38 last week.
• “Old Phone” by Ed Sheeran, which peaked at 17 and lasted 6 weeks. He stil has “Sapphire” at 9 and “Azizam” at 11.

On the album chart:

1. James Marriott – “Don’t Tell the Dog”

His second album; the first one only reached number 17, so this is a big step up.

9. The Cure – “Mixes of a Lost World”

This is a collection of remixes of tracks from their 2024 album “Songs of a Lost World”, which reached number 1. Number 9 is very good for a side project.

11. Van Morrison – “Remembering Now”

His 47th studio album. He’s nearly 80. It’s his highest position since 2021, but it’s also an album of original material when his recent albums have been covers.

17. Lil Tecca – “Dopamine”

Includes the single “Dark Thoughts”. His debut mixtape “We Love You Tecca” reached number 15 in 2019, but four releases have missed the album top 40 since then.

37. AJ Tracey – “Don’t Die Before You’re Dead”

Includes the single “Crush”, which reached number 23. Number 37 is incredibly bad for an AJ Tracey album – his last two albums reached 2 and 3 – and I’m not sure what the deal is here.