A quiet week, mostly consisting of records that have flared out since the midweek and don’t have videos!  But hey, it’s November – that means it’s time for Christmas!

26.  Nicki Minaj featuring Drake, Lil Wayne & Chris Brown – “Only”

A promotional single from Minaj’s upcoming album (hence no video).  After “Anaconda” – still hanging in at 24 – this is obviously the less commercial one for the hardcore audience.

26.  The Script – “No Good In Goodbye”

This is going to be (?) the second single from the Script’s current album, though as yet it only has a lyric video.  Their YouTube channel also helpfully has the entire lyric in the info field.  Maybe they’ve missed the point of a lyric video.  Or maybe they’re just so proud of the wordplay that they don’t want to risk you missing any of it.

21.  Tom Odell – “Real Love”

Welcome to Christmas.  And it’s time for that modern Christmas tradition, the sentimental John Lewis advert soundtracked by somebody slightly more credible than you’d expect doing a cover version.  Last year it was Lily Allen, overshadowing her actual single.  This year it’s songwriter Tom Odell, best known for last year’s number 10 hit “Another Love”, which he performs here to accompany a boy and his lovesick CGI penguin.

There is in fact a regular video for “Real Love”, but it’s a cheapie performance job, presumably knocked out to indulge the sensitivities of music channels that might baulk at just running a two minute advert without being paid for it.

The advert is already at 12 million plus views on YouTube because dammit we’re British and we care about the annual John Lewis Christmas advert even in early November.  The record is a midweek release, charting here on three days of sales, so it will climb.

The original of “Real Love” is a John Lennon demo from the 70s which was dusted off in a 1988 film, and eventually worked up for a full release by the remaining members of the Beatles in 1996.  I’ve never much cared for the Beatles version, which suffers from the inevitable problems of trying to whack a rather thin demo vocal over a full studio recording.  Honestly, Odell’s version makes a better case for the song’s merits.

6.  Calvin Harris featuring Ellie Goulding – “Outside”

This was a promotional single in some other countries, but in the UK it’s just a track being cherry picked from Harris’ album “Motion”, which enters the album chart at number 2 this week.  “Outside” was at 14 in the midweeks, so it’s gathering momentum.  It’s the usual Calvin Harris formula, but one of its better executions.

Harris has three singles on this week’s chart, the others being “Blame” at 11 and “Open Wide” at 33.  The un-deletability of the download era is resulting in a lot of multi-charting acts these days – others on the current top 40 are Ed Sheeran (3), Nicki Minaj (3), Ariana Grande (2), Sam Smith (2), George Ezra (2), and the Script (2).

4.  John Legend – “All Of Me”

Rebounding after he appeared on X Factor last weekend.  It was at 26 last week, and has now been hanging around the top 30 for 39 weeks.  It’s worth mentioning this sort of thing from time to time, because the format here is at risk of giving the impression that the UK chart is a frenzied turnover of new entries – to some extent it is, but a remarkable number of records these days hang around forever.  (“Happy” has its one-year anniversary in sight, though it doesn’t look like it’s going to make it.)

1.  Cheryl – “I Don’t Care”

So it’s come to this – a record where Cheryl Who Used To Be Cole (and is now Fernandez-Versini, but she’s not exactly trying to persuade the public to memorise that) does swearing.  Still, it’s her second straight number 1, following “Crazy Stupid Love” in August, and that’s the first time she’s got two singles to number 1 from the same album.  It’s a bit of an ear worm – the writers credits include John Newman and Bonnie McKee, who’s a regular writer for Katy Perry – but it’s also a very uninspired production.  Sales were seriously front loaded – right now it’s at 7 on iTunes.  Admittedly, that’s behind three One Direction tracks, since they’ve got a new album out and their fans are behaving weirdly again – next week’s chart could be a bit odd.

The video is frankly terrible – it’s woefully uninspired, and looks very much like it’s trying to pretend it has a higher budget than it really does.  Look, we’ve hired a boat!  Here she is on a beach in some knitwear!

Cheryl’s other previous number 1s were “Fight for This Love” (2009) and “Promise This” (2010), so her solo career now equals the four number ones she had with Girls Aloud.  (“Sound of the Underground”, “I’ll Stand By You”, “Walk This Way” and “The Promise”, if you were wondering – not all examples of their finest work.)

On the album chart:

• “X” by Ed Sheeran, the album that will not die, returns to number 1.
• “Motion” by Calvin Harris is the highest new entry at 2.  “18 Months” re-enters at 21.
• “Love in Venice” by Andre Rieu at 4.  Another collection of classical standards, giving him his sixth top ten album (to go with many more further down the charts).  Sampler video.
• “My Favourite Faded Fantasy” by Damien Rice at 7.  You know him from his 2003 single “Cannonball”, but he made other stuff too!  This is his third album, all of which have made the top 10.  Single: “I Don’t Want To Change You”.
• “Big Music” by Simple Minds at 12.  Their sixteenth album – the band never split.  Single: “Honest Town”.  Better than I was expecting, actually, but Jim Kerr’s voice isn’t up to it these days.
• “The Who Hits 50!” at 15.  Their 50th anniversary compilation album.
• “The Basement Tapes Complete” by Bob Dylan & The Band at 17.  A 6-disc compilation of previously (officially) unreleased demos, for the sort of completists who really want to hear two aborted takes of a parody of “See You Later Alligator”.
• “Storytone” by Neil Young at 20.  His 35th studio album, and second of this year – doubtless available in excellent audio quality for those who feel strongly about such things.  Single: “Who’s Gonna Stand Up”.  It’s an environmental number, and be warned, it’s appalling.
• “Tina” by Fuse ODG at 25.  The title track is still at 14 on the singles chart.
• “Christmas” by Michael Buble makes its annual re-entry at 38.
• “Abandon Ship” by Knife Party at 39.  Australian duo previously known for “Antidote”, their collaboration with the Swedish House Mafia, which got to number 4 in 2012.  Largely because of the Swedish House Mafia.  This is the first time they’ve charted in their own right.  Single: “Begin Again”.